The Writer - Chapter 1

Emmeline wished that just once the stupid green clad soldiers would stay dead when she killed them. Who even thought of a grave robbing Goddess in the first place? What person in their right mind would pray and think hmm, I wonder if there’s a Goddess who can help me rob a grave? 

One of the emerald cloaked soldiers lunged for her and she stepped out of the way, brandishing her sword with a flourish as she struck him.
Before Emmeline could take a moment to catch her breath, the soldier began to glow brightly and another form began to take shape right beside him. In less than a moment, the same jade soldier was standing in front of her. Those darned cloning powers! 

Emmeline was tiring quickly. Even with her improving endurance that developed over the past three months, she was still out of breath. 

Out of the corner of her eye she caught Newt and Forrest back to back, dueling a circle of soldiers with ease. There was the sound of metal on metal as their swords clashed. Before she could run to help she was locked into battle with another soldier, this one female. 

Although it seemed wrong to kill these soldiers Emmeline reminded herself that if she didn’t kill the soldiers they would kill her. And that wasn’t a risk she was willing to take - especially with the whole Baelle predicament. 

Wiley’s magically transferred fighting skills were the only thing keeping her alive. Wiley was a ghost of a past Reader who had given Emmeline his fighting skills before he was “killed” a second time. The transferral was certainly paying off. Emmeline spun aside, knocking the soldier’s sword aside with her own blade. 

Sparks flew as Emmeline struck, fast as a serpent. The soldier didn’t stand a chance against the girl. Emmeline delivered the final blow, darting away to find a new enemy. 

Forrest and Newt were handling themselves well enough, both holding their own. Emmeline searched for her other companion - Coral. She spotted the other girl not far away, dueling with a younger looking soldier. He had to be their age - maybe sixteen at the most. Baelle was getting desperate if she was drafting the men and the boys. 

Emmeline wasn’t sure exactly what Coral was playing at, but the girl let the soldier back her against a tree. Just as he lunged for a final attack, Coral pecked him on the cheek at the same time as she sunk her knife into his stomach. The soldier fell to the ground, dead. 

“Emmeline!” Coral cried out suddenly. Emmeline whirled around in time to see an archer standing not far away. The archer knocked an arrow and she heard the thwing as the arrow flew. Time seemed to slow down and the arrow drifted through the air like a leaf in the wind, its path straight at Emmeline’s heart. 

These strange occurrences had been happening for months now. Emmeline stepped away, tapping the arrow shaft with her finger. It crumped to dust and time resumed its normal speed. The archer seemed confused until Emmeline threw one of her daggers. The blade flew through the air before finding its mark in the archer’s chest. Emmeline reminded herself yet again that she couldn’t feel guilty for this. After all, this was war. 

The forest floor was covered with glowing bodies as the Goddess of Cloning attempted to keep the battle going. 

Newt and Forrest were finally alone, both of them congratulating each other, though it was a very one sided conversation. Ever since Forrest had returned from Argenti with Coral he had been changed. Silent. 

“We did well,” Newt commented. His silvery-blue eyes met Emmeline’s and her heart fluttered in her chest. His blonde hair shifted gently in the slight breeze. 

Coral cleared her throat loudly, causing Emmeline to blush. 

Newt and Emmeline weren’t, well, Emmeline didn’t know what they were. Sure, they had kissed. He was better than a friend. But were they dating? Emmeline wasn’t sure, nor did she want to find out. 

“Yeah, uh, we really did,” Emmeline stuttered, her cheeks burning. 

Coral placed her hands on her hips. “Come on, Echo, we’ve been doing this for months. ‘Good’ can’t be what you would describe our team as.” 

Emmeline shrugged, the nickname a sore reminder of her past. She had grown up in a travelling circus with Master Zoro, Newt, and an assortment of other teens and children. Her stage name had been Echo, and her act… 

Emmeline was a Reader. No, not a Reader. The Reader. Ever since Wiley had died about two months prior, Emmeline had been left as the only Reader left in the kingdoms. It was an extremely rare gift that allowed a person to see the past, present, and future of other people. The majority of the people in the kingdoms were covered in markings that represented their life story if interpreted correctly. Emmeline was the only one who could make sense of them. 

Not to mention her newfound ability of Writing, which allowed her to actually change someone’s markings. She had only managed to do it once and it wasn’t exactly a memory she wanted to relive. 

“Months,” Newt repeated. “Two months and we’ve gotten nowhere.” 

Emmeline sighed. Both of them were right, of course. They hadn’t succeeded in doing anything but making a small dent in Baelle’s ever increasing armies. It was unimpressive in efforts and useless to keep trying. 

“Try to make them stay dead,” Emmeline suggested. 

Newt was either a Blessed or Cursed from Dinrali. There were twelve patron cities and twelve patron goddesses scattered throughout the two kingdoms. Goddesses could Bless or Curse the inhabitants of the kingdoms based on their preference, giving them supernatural abilities or terrible luck. Newt wasn’t sure which he was, his death magic tended to go askew occasionally. 

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Newt mumbled, frowning like he was concentrating intensely. “The only time I’ve ever done something so big like this was when I brought back the army in the Tower Ruins.” 

“Try,” Coral pleaded, sending a desperate look towards the glowing corpses. Emmeline readied her sword, the blade dark as pitch. 

Newt nodded once, clenching his jaw as he closed his eyes. The glowing was growing brighter. Newt’s knees began to crumple and Emmeline ducked under him, barely able to support his weight. 

And then the glowing stopped abruptly. Newt stumbled off of Emmeline, gasping for breath. He looked pale and unsteady but the bodies around him turned to dust, scattering in the wind. “You did it!” Emmeline exclaimed. “You managed to stop the cloning magic!” She wanted to wrap him in a hug but she figured it would be a little bit awkward. 

Newt nodded again, looking exhausted. “We should be getting back soon. Beckett and Clara are waiting.” 

“They won’t be expecting us for another few hours,” Coral said. “Besides, you really want to spend more time with the prince.” She smirked as Newt pretended to ponder this for a moment. Poor Beckett, Emmeline thought for a moment before reminding herself of his obnoxious nature. 

“So, what do you propose?” Newt asked, leaning on his sword like a clutch. “A party? A masquerade ball? A romantic dinner for the four of us?” 

Forrest rolled his eyes and both Emmeline and Coral sighed. 

“I was thinking more of just hanging out,” Coral sighed at last. “Y’know, being normal for once? Or at least pretending to be average. I heard there’s a swimming hole around here.” 

The offer was tempting. Emmeline glanced at the sun. Coral was right in saying they had a few more hours before they were scheduled to return to the camp. And she definitely wanted to relax a bit - something she hadn’t been able to do in months. 

“I’m in,” Emmeline decided. 

“Heck, why not,” Newt smiled. “It’ll be nice to spend some good, quality bonding time with my good friend Forrest.” Emmeline rolled her eyes. 

Forrest nodded once, his signal to show that he was fine with the idea. 

“Well, let’s go then,” Coral said, waving them in her direction. “It’s this way.” 

“Beckett and Clara are going to be so jealous,” Newt whispered as he and Emmeline fell into stride. 

“Let’s hope they don’t find out then,” Emmeline said, feeling peaceful at last. 

“This is mildly disappointing,” Newt grumbled. “I was expecting something more… I don’t know… fun?” 

“For goddess sakes, Newt, it’s a lake,” Coral sighed, rolling her eyes. 

“Yeah, but I was expecting clear water at the very least,” Newt mumbled, crossing his arms and pouting. 

Coral raised her arms like she was going to clear the lake water but her face fell as she remembered she couldn’t. Previously, Coral had sworn that she would let no harm come to Forrest. He had been injured when they were captured by the Silver Kingdom, and Coral had lost her Blessing from the Goddess Lithby. 

“It’s fine,” Emmeline assured her, sending a look at the water. 

It was muddy and gross looking. The water was scummy and brown, several lily pads floating on top of the water. It was most definitely not fine to swim in. 

Maybe once the area had been a gorgeous spring. But now it was disgusting and reeked of skunk. Emmeline wondered if this was Baelle’s fault, or if one of the Goddesses had just neglected to take care of the place. 

She thought for a moment. She had found out not long ago that the Goddesses had each given her gifts to help her survive, as Readers were often hunted. Emmeline knew she could fly at least, though she had only managed to do it twice and both times she was extremely exhausted afterwards. 

The situation wasn’t exactly life or death but… 

Emmeline closed her eyes, concentrating hard on the image of a clear lake, the water as transparent as a crystal. There was a soft tinkling like chimes in the wind. When Emmeline opened her eyes, the water was beautifully clean and the whole clearing smelled of roses. Soft flowers bloomed around her feet and grass spread like a blanket across the ground. 

“Wow,” Coral breathed, her eyes wide in awe. “Did you do that, Echo?” 

Emmeline shrugged. She didn’t want her friends to think she was that powerful, especially because she thought it would make Coral feel worse. 

“Well, let’s go swimming!” Newt exclaimed. The group peeled off their bloody shirts, Emmeline and Coral opting to keep their undergarments on. They washed their tops in the water before hanging them in one of the willow trees to dry. 

The tree made Emmeline think of Willow, but she pushed the thought away. Willow had betrayed her and now she was dead. There was no coming back from that. 

A splash brought her out of her thoughts. The water was frigid, the cold seeping into Emmeline’s bones as she stepped in. She shivered once and then something grabbed her ankle. Emmeline let out a screech as an icy grip formed around her ankle. She was dragged under and Emmeline felt the bubbles of air fleeing her lungs. 

She broke to the surface, gasping for breath. Newt was floating beside her, laughing loudly. Coral was smirking from the shallow edge of the lake, Forrest at her side. 

Emmeline gave Newt a shove, her body already adjusting to the freezing temperature. 

“You should’ve heard your scream,” Newt chuckled. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be deaf for the next few months.” 

“You scared me half to death,” Emmeline argued, splashing him. Newt swam away from her, grinning widely. Emmeline tried to swim after him but he was growing further away and her feet were barely grazing the ground now. 

“Yeah, but only half,” Newt said. Emmeline stuck out her tongue at him. 

“You two are obnoxious,” Coral sighed. Forrest was nodding passionately beside her. Emmeline rolled her eyes, sending a small wave of water their way with her hands. 

Coral stared at it like it was reminding her of her lost power. Forrest placed a hand on her shoulder, his eyes filled with worry. The two stood there, locked in embrace for only a moment before Coral yanked Forrest. They tumbled into the with a splash. Emmeline suppressed a laugh. 

Forrest broke to the surface first, his dark hair dripping down his face and deep eyes gleaming with delight. Coral lunged out of the water again, leaping towards him. Forrest caught her and pushed her backwards. Coral gave an extra little push and Forrest stumbled backwards again. Coral met Emmeline’s eyes, her face beaming as she pushed her short, dark hair out of her face. 

“Why can’t we be like that?” Newt pouted, suddenly beside Emmeline. He looked like a sad dog. 

“Do you want to try and drown me?” Emmeline asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Newt didn’t give her an answer. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back under. He pulled her deeper into the water, and Emmeline pulled against him. They pushed towards the sky, laughing as their heads appeared above the water. 

“There, now we’re even,” Newt said, swimming away before Emmeline could lunge at him. 

“What was that supposed to mean?” Emmeline asked, chasing after him. 

“It means stop flirting,” another voice called out from the edge of the lake. Emmeline knew the voice before she spun around and she immediately regretted coming to the swimming hole in the first place. 

Beckett and Clara were standing side by side, their arms across and sneers identical. Over the past few months they had become close friends, being the youngest of the group and all. 

“Seriously,” Beckett continued. “If you were going to have some big sha-bang you should’ve at least invited Clara and I. I mean, I get not inviting Titus - he’s kind of a party pooper. But me? I’m the life of the …” 

“You had us until the whole ‘life of the party’ thing,” Coral interrupted with a sigh. 

“Sorry,” Emmeline said, climbing out of the water. Cold drips trickled down her arms. Clara looked unimpressed. “We figured we could have some alone time…” 

“A double date,” Newt interjected with a smile. 

“Not helping,” Emmeline grumbled. Clara raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. “Look, we just wanted a quick break from the constant danger.” 

“What if you had been attacked?” Clara asked. “You can’t just run off alone - especially you, Echo. We need you.” It was a sore reminder of Emmeline’s importance to their entire plan. Emmeline felt shame rising in her chest. 

“Great, because we needed a set of parents,” Newt heaved a sigh, rolling his eyes. “Sorry, mom, next time I’ll let you know before I run off.” 

“I am your elder,” Beckett added with a smirk. Emmeline sighed. The boy was technically a century or so old due to the majority of his life being spent in a comatose state in a temple. Beckett was a prince of both the green and silver kingdom, though his parents had both been labelled as traitors. In theory he could unite the kingdoms since both places were lacking an heir. But Baelle and the other Rogue Goddesses weren’t letting that happen. 

“And you’re also stuck in the body of a mighty ten-year old,” Newt reminded him, splashing the younger boy with the water. 

“Twelve,” Beckett argued, recoiling when the water hit him. 

Coral helped Forrest out of the water beside them and began to peel their clothing out of the tree. Emmeline helped her gather the tops, pulling her still damp shirt over her head. 

“So, what exactly did you need?” Emmeline asked, wringing out her dark hair. It had been growing long but Emmeline didn’t want to cut it. She peered into the water, studying her reflection. Piercing emerald eyes stared back at her. Emmeline shuddered and turned away.

“Oh, yeah,” Clara exclaimed. “Titus called a meeting. He sent a messenger telling us to meet him as soon as possible.” 

“A messenger?” It was rare for the rebel faction to use messengers, especially Titus. The older boy had been from the same circus as Emmeline and Newt due to his Blessing that let him control fire. However, he had recently lost his girlfriend, Marlene, to an unfair execution - one that was entirely Emmeline’s fault. To add to his sorrow, Emmeline had Read him and discovered many secrets about his past - things she chose not to dwell on. 

“Not any old messenger,” Beckett explained, an excited grin forming on his face. He discovered a new … I don’t know what to call it. Species?” He glanced at Clara for help. 

“It’s called a Guide,” Clara informed them, brushing a strand of fiery hair out of her face. “Gwen used to tell me stories about them. No one quite knows what Guides are, but most assume that the Guides are your ancestors in animal form or something. That’s besides the point - a Guide can either lead you places or it carries messages or protect you. Some have ulterior motives, but most are helpful spirits.” 

“And Titus sent one?” Newt clarified. 

Clara nodded. “It was in the form of a phoenix. Beckett spotted it and found me before it relayed the message and disappeared. Wait, what is Forrest saying?” 

The group turned to look at the silent boy. He was gesturing wildly with his hands. Coral was watching him with intense curiosity as she attempted to figure out what he was saying. Finally, she looked straight at Emmeline.

“He says that the Guides are not to be trusted,” Coral said, her voice low. “He won’t say why, he just says we can’t trust it.” 

Clara looked just as confused as Emmeline felt. “Why? Gwen told me they were helpful.” 

“And Gwen was also a Sprite-Hunter,” Newt said. “She was your leader, not your mother. But still, she took care of you. Maybe she wanted to keep you safe and told you bedtime stories.” 

Forrest and Clara shared a look like they were having a silent, mental battle of their own. Emmeline could feel the tension between them, like a rope pulled taut. 

“We should head back anyways,” Emmeline decided. The others looked to her, and Emmeline repeated herself. “We should head back. Our mission was to sabotage this group of soldiers and we did so, therefore we should return back to base. If the Guide was fake it won’t matter - it just means we have to be prepared in case it’s a trap.” 

Her friends nodded along with her. Emmeline felt like a leader among them. They always looked to her when there was something to make a decision on. Well now she was embracing her role.

“I’m with Emmeline,” Newt said. 

“Of course you are,” Beckett mumbled, a sly grin on his face. Emmeline glared at him and he sighed. “Fine, we can return. I was hoping for more of an adventure. Why do Clara and I always miss out on the fun?” 

“Because we’re too good for battle,” Clara said, her voice firm. “C’mon, maybe if we’re lucky we’ll get to kill something on the way home.” 

Emmeline rolled her eyes, hoping the exact opposite of Clara. 

Author's Note

I really struggle with opening lines so maybe let me know how I did. Also, should I summarize stuff that happened in the previous book? I did in this chapter but I don't know if I actually should do that.

Reviews

[JayG]

The problem, here, is that you know the story, the situation, and the people BEFORE you begin reading. And because you know that, as you read, and without realizing that you’re doing it, your mind fills in things the reader hasn’t been given but needs. So to you the story makes perfect sense. Look at the first paragraph, not as the author, but as the reader, knowing only what the reader knows. Look at the questions you raise in the reader’s mind:

• Emmeline wished that just once the stupid green clad soldiers would stay dead when she killed them. Who even thought of a grave robbing Goddess in the first place?

1. Where the hell are we in time and space?
2. What are “green clad soldiers?” Would the story change were they wearing gray, or fuchsia? If not, why does a reader care what color the uniforms they can’t see are? And why does this unknown person, of unknown age and situation call them stupid? Are they really stupid, or is just something she calls them.
3. How and why does she kill them, and why have they never learned that she will, and take precautions? And if they don’t “stay dead,” can you really call them dead?
4. What in the pluperfect hells is a “Grave robbing Goddess?” In fact, in terms of this story, what’s a goddess? On Earth there are many different kinds. How certain are you that a given reader will take the meaning you intend?

So there we are. Twenty-nine words into the story, only two sentences, and the reader is lost. Bear in mind that a confused reader doesn’t go on reading in hopes you’ll end their confusion. They stop reading then and there.

Try this experiment with a friend who has little acting talent: Have them read the first page aloud to you. Do it with no practice, no time to read it first, and with no advance knowledge of what kind of story it is, where it takes place, or what it’s about. In other words, just like every reader who turns to page one.

In fact, take it a step or two further: Don’t tell them it’s your work, or they’ll use what they know of your way of telling a story to here it more as you intend—something a reader can’t know or do. And sit where you can watch them, but out of their line of sight, so they can’t see the look of agony on your face as they read. It’s a humbling, but educational experience. Just be sure to grit your teeth and hold back the tears. 🤣

The problem is that the outside-in approach you’re using, of having an external observer provide a report on what they see as important, pretty much guarantees this same thing will continue to happen because it’s a nonfiction approach. Good intent and a pure heart won’t cure that. Only knowledge of how to write fiction will.

In your bio you ask for advice on how to improve. But obviously, you haven’t read any of the book I linked you to, and suggested. So every problem in the last novel is here, too, and will be in the next one, and the one after that, until you take the time to learn how to write fiction. And if you don’t, and continue to churn out stories, you’ll harden bad habits into concrete and improve not at all—only get better and better at techniques inappropriate to fiction

No one says you have to learn the techniques of fiction, of course—other then the editors you might submit your work to, or course. So until you take the time to learn the craft of the fiction-writer submitting to a publisher is a waste of time. And that’s the professional analysis of someone who owned a manuscript critiquing service, not a personal opinion. Unless you know what an acquiring editor expects to see, you-can’t-provide-it.

Certainly, you can self-publish your stories. Anyone can. But the things an editor looks for in a submission aren’t a set of arbitrary rules. The reader is the publisher’s customer. So what an editor rejects your work for is what a reader in a bookstore will reject it for. And if you don’t know why, and how to avoid that happening, how can you write to please the reader?

I’m not trying to discourage you. I’m trying to show you why it’s necessary to learn any profession before you can practice it. Read that book I linked to. It has the power to transform your writing. It did mine, and was the book that resulted in my first publishing contract.

And with that, I’ll stop bothering you.