#1

11 APRIL 2012 . WEDNESDAY

Starting today, I would like to share my thoughts on everything.

Well, I guess I got right to the point. Actually, when I think about it again, there is two point to this unexpected diary of mine.

1 . To share my thoughts.

2 . To let you know me better.

I may never be the kind of person who could open up to someone easily. But, writing this down is easier.

So, here's chapter 1 to my story :

CHAPTER 1

I can't remember my childhood clearly nor could I remember how it felt like to be a little kid. Sometimes I see these images of myself laughing and goofing off with my family. But, those images didn't feel like memories.

Instead, it felt like something that I made up in my mind.

I have a wild and active imagination. So, it's hard to tell what is real or fake. Above all those unclear memories only one remain clear to me.

The day my mother passed away.

I could still remember how happy I was at that time knowing I was going to have another baby sister. I could also remember how sad it was when I found out my mother passed away giving birth to my baby sister.

I was only five years old. Usually, you could start remembering things at this age. Or maybe not. I'm not sure. It was very unfortunate for me because I couldn't remember anything about my mother.

I can still remember what I was thinking when I saw my mother's lifeless face. I was thinking 'If I kiss her forehead maybe she'll wake up from her sleep'. You know, like 'sleeping beauty'.

But when I did kiss her forehead, her eyes were still closed. I was confused. I couldn't understand what was happening.

I waited for her to open her eyes but she never did. That's when I had the feeling that I am never going to be able to see her again.

I started to cry loudly. I didn't care if I was being loud. I didn't care if I was going to be trouble for other people. I just wanted my mother.

My tears couldn't stop coming out. I kept on calling her but she didn't answer. My father told me that my grandfather had to take me out of there but I wanted to stay by her side.

The last time my father told me about this story, he said that he wasn't upset about my mother's death. He kept telling us that 'everything happens for a reason'.

But, if you look at him closely, you can see how sad he was. He may not have shed a tear at the time, but his heart was crying so loud I cried along with his heart.

Ever since then, our lives changed. My father had to go to work but he couldn't just leave us alone. There was five of us and only one of him.

I have two elder brothers and two little sisters. I wouldn't worry much about my eldest brother because he matures fast. But it wasn't enough to convince my father to just leave us alone at home.

As days passed by, I was starting to convince myself that my mother was going to come back. I know it sounds stupid now but, it didn't sound like that to me back then.

An year later, on November, my father re-married. When I first saw her, I thought she was my late mother. I was happy at the time.

But I found out that she wasn't who I thought she was. I was a bit disappointed. But I didn't mind. Because when she came into my life, she reminded me of how wonderful it is to have a mother.

I couldn't realize something that simple until she came into my life.

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Well, that's it for Chapter 1. I hope that somehow my stories could relate to you in a way and not bore you to death.

"To have a mother (even if it's just your step-mother or a foster parent) is better than to have no mother at all."

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Sincerely,

CKSalmaICM