Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring

I hope people can see the allusion of my poem to the title X) but i think i made it too dramatic and incomprehensible.. ^^;

Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring

 

As I walk through the Path

A cold blaze holds me down,

Waiting with open hands, burning

While I carry the heavy burdens.

 

I step up into inoculation,

Watching as the harrowing faces emerge before me

Where my heart’s blood shall leave trails,

Comes new verdancy.

 

Like thorns under my feet,

I fall to the ground.

The levanter caresses me,

Then goes away as it should.

 

Bereft of true reason,

I turn over with my credence.

See the stars cavort in my head,

Or the flakes of God’s cold tears.

 

Love, hate, they claw at me, beseech.

Icicles that pierce as ponderous as your words,

Colder and colder, far from reality.

I hold on just a little longer.

 

My tears fall like glass,

And I stand up once again.

My body with my heart,

Numb beneath the rain.

 

Like a flash of lightning,

Your cold hold melts away.

The burn again, returns again,

But the rain continues to play.

 

The beginning, the end,

Starts with some tears.

For the nirvana beginning to weigh,

I have found my place.

Author's Note

agian, i think its too dramatic, and the words didn't exactly flow...i tried fitting it to the theme of the title :D

Reviews

[G. Marie"floating on an..]

I think this poem was perfect..... loved your choice of words... not too dramatic and it can never be too dramatic you know...... it is what we want it to be. the great thing about creativity.... it's always our own! not good nor bad but artistic.... this poem inspires my creativity. thanks for sharing

[Abdul Aziz]

Dramatic, maybe. But literarily accomplished!

You have compared human emotions to the changing seasons in exuberant style. I really loved the way you moved between emotions, all the while comparing, and alluding. It felt like there was a constant motion in the poem and that's very welcome considering the topic!

"Where my heart’s blood shall leave trails,
Comes new verdancy."
I love that line. I quite like your vocabulary in general. It appears rock solid!

"The levanter caresses me,
Then goes away as it should."
At first read, I thought you wrote the words "as it should", to complete the rhyme. But seeing that it doesn't rhyme, you imply something deeper here. And I realize its only natural. Very well done!

"My tears fall like glass,
And I stood up once again.
My body with my heart,
Numbed beneath the rain."
This is a very good stanza. I have one suggestion though. Since you write the latter three lines in the past tense, I think the first line too would sound better if written in the past tense.

"Like a flash of lightning,
Your cold hold melts away.
The burn again, returns again,
But the rain continues to play."
I loved this stanza the most. You bring everything together in these four lines. Extremely well done.

"The beginning, the end,
Starts with some tears.
For the nirvana beginning to weigh,
I have found my place."
Very good conclusion!

[Coyote Poetry]

We must live through a lot of drama to find our place. I like the poem. Using nature always seem to strengthen the poetry we write. We all understand the path of weather. You have many lines I likes in the poem. It was a pleasure to read. Thank you.
Coyote