Haunted House of Aselia Town

this is my first story ever i know it probaly not a great horror story but i tried

- recording 1 - June 15 2001 Evening "hello my name is  Cress, me and my friends are going to a haunted house tomorrow I am going make. Records so we will remember it later me, Leon, Shadow, and Snow this will be fun I will record more tomorrow I  got to pack some stuff "- recording 1 end-

 

-recording 2- June 16 2001 morning "hey its me Cress again I am here with Leon, Shadow, and Snow we are at the haunted house, where going stay here for 6 days  looking around,  Snow said he won’t be scared well that's what we all said we all know ghosts aren't real, well I make other recording once where inside” -recording 2 end-

 

-recording 3 - June 16 2001 Inside the house ”so where inside Shadow and Snow heard some sounds and went to check it out while me and Leon are putting our stuff down and sleeping bags Leon said that the noises where from people like us that wanted to see the haunted house and look for ghosts I still think there not real but yea I know I can trust Leon his a good friend ohh  and there are Shadow and Snow they found a human skull right if that’s real, I will take guard tonight” - recording 3 end-

 

-recording 4- June 16 2001 Midnight ”so the human skull was real I and I keep hearing this weird noises and voices I wanted to wake up Leon and Shadow, but I don't want to wake them up for nothing I don't understand what the voices are saying but it sounds like they’re coming from upstairs I will ask Shadow to check it out tomorrow while me, Snow and Leon will check out the basement I am a bit sleepy so I will go to bed its almost morning but I still have 2 hours left to sleep I will need them” - recording 3 end -

 

- recording 5- June 17 2001 Morning “I just asked Shadow if he would check upstairs while we went to the basement he said okay so we went to the basement and he went upstairs while we were in the basement it seemed like the lights still worked because when we came down the lights where on the 3 of us where a bit confused but we moved on seeing this shadow like form in the distant and we ignored it we check+t all the rooms and found some Human Skulls, bones, old blood, rats, and dried out organs it was horrible just looking at when we entered the last room we saw a body this body wasn't here for long it looked like it was done recently we turned the body around and looked at it was horrible the body was cut open the organs where hanging out of it, when Snow saw that he ran upstairs and threw up me and Leon ran  upstairs looking for Snow while Shadow came down he said that he found a body and explained how it looked like we told him we saw the same thing and  Snow had to throw up while we found Snow in a corner shaking like crazy we told him it’s okay we are here well its Shadows turn to hold tonight guard” - recording 5 end -

 

- recording 6 - June 17 2001 Evening “hey Shadow here I don't really know how this works but I will try I am hearing some weird noise so I will check them out I will tell you guys more when I get back” - recording 6 end

 

-recording 7 - June 17 2001 Evening ”I am back it where just some kids same ages as us wanting to explore this place but they ran away after they saw me, they must have been scared of me  well I am getting some sleep later” - recording 7 end -

 

-recording 8 - June 17 2001 Evening “I am back it where just some kids same ages as us wanting to explore this place but they ran away after they saw me they must have been scared of me,  well I am getting some sleep later” - recording 8 end -

 

-recording 9 - June 17 2001 Evening “I am back it where just some kids same ages as us wanting to explore this place but they ran away after they saw me, they must have been scared of me  well I am getting some sleep later” - recording 9 end -

 

-recording 10 - June 18 2001 Morning “Cress here so I just listen to wait shadow said he made the same recording 3 times he remembers the first time he made it but the other 2 times he doesn't remember well where checking upstairs today again 

I am giving Leon the recorder so yea“ - recording 10 end -

 

 

- recording 11-June 18 2001 Midday “Hello Leon here so I got the recorder from Cress and I don't know why... so yea Snow just disappeared where looking for him I found his scarf with blood.. so I hope his okay.” - static noise then recording 11 ends -

 

- recording 12- June 18 2001 “I don't know what just happened but the record started making static noise I freaked my out a little so I turned it off don't know if it got everything I said well the static noise appear when we found.. Snow h-h-he is dead his body is cut open his limbs cut off.... his organs hanging out.. his eyes carved out its just sick... I don't want to look at this any longer..... Shadow said that we should leave but I want to find the person that killed Snow and beat him up I know that Shadow has a good reason wanting to leave but Snow was our friend we can’t just let his killer get away”  - recording 12 ends -

 

- recording 13-June 18 2001  “Shadow standing behind use when he suddenly started screaming and he got dragged away I tried to grab his hand but.... I was too late nobody or nothing was dragging him at least I saw nothing“  Cress is crying in  corner.. ”say Leon where all going we should have left when we saw those body's and skulls  somewhere I think his right but I can’t just leave Shadow”  when I said that I could hear somebody scream it was Shadow, Leon grabbed cress arm and dragged upstairs looking for shadow we found him being cut open blood flying everywhere  organs getting cut open I looked at the shadowy being I didn't really get anything from looking at it looked like a normal shadow it was just weird the shadow turned around looking at us with red eyes and said with a demonic voice “you 2 are next I will make it fun my friends you will cry  I will make you scream” after the shadowy being said that he disappeared into the ground I was scared and Cress was 2 he ran down stairs trying to open the doors and windows but they were all locked  “I-I just want go ho”- - static noise �" “f**k it’s close to us I saw this shadowy arm  it tried to grab Cress I grabbed cress first and ran away I now know that whenever it close to us and where recording the recorder makes static noise this is good to know” -recording 13 end -

 

-recording 14 -June 18 2001  “So Leon gave the recorder back to me.. I am scared as hell Snow And Shadow are dead and it wants to kill us now we tried every door window we even tried to break glass but it something won’t let us near it to break it and everything we throw just bounces off this I-“- cress is repeating himself - June 18 2001 “So Leon gave the recorder back to me.. I am scared as hell Snow And Shadow are dead and it wants to kill us now we tried every door window we even tried to break glass but it something won’t let us near it to break it and everything we throw just bounces off this I-“

 June 18 2001 “So Leon gave the recorder back to me.. I am scared as hell Snow And Shadow are dead and it wants to kill us now we tried every door window we even tried to break glass but it something won’t let us near it to break it and everything we throw just bounces off this I-“ - recording 14 end -

 

-recording 15 - June 18 2001  “I took the recorder from Cress he started to repeat the same thing over and over again his fine now he doesn't know what happened - static noise again-  F**k it got Cress I couldn't safe him I am hearing him scream right now I am trying to find him but... I was to late I walked into the room he was killed.. and saw his eyes carved out and his organs hanging on the ceiling on the wall was written in his blood "You should have left this house when you heard him scream you will be my last victim I am going make your death special-

I am running for the exit when I read it “- static noise - -the sound of tearing and screaming can be heard - - the recording 15 suddenly ends-

 

Author's Note

please ignore grammer mistakes, this is my first ever made story i am kinda new to this so i hope you guys liked it

after what 2 years i did some updates totaly forgot this existed ohhwell

Reviews

[Douglas White]

This is a good first attempt. You have grammar and spelling mistakes, of course, but those can be taken care of in a second draft. I strongly suggest getting rid of the various colors and stick with simple black text; the red was difficult to read and made my eyes ache.

I do recommend doing a second draft, and pay close attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Stick with clean grammar for descriptions, but let your characters speak as they normally would. That division will help separate dialog from description. For the dialog, use quotes whenever someone speaks, and that will further separate dialog from background action.

All in all, I think this story is worthy of the extra effort of another draft, and who knows? You may end up with more ideas to work into it. Good luck!

[Leonblizzard]

Thank you and i will try my best