From afar

My philosophy is very bias. I'd rather the one i love to be happy instead of chasing my own happiness. In all fairness i'm simply lacking the confidence to advance.

History is bound to repeat.
For many years I have faced defeat.
Every time I think of relationship.
All I see is a sinking ship.

It was bright this radiating sun.
Her smile and charm struck me like a gun.
The times with you will be in my heart forever locked.
To relapse these moments in a dream as if time had stopped.

Every moment with her I felt puzzled.

Because unlike others, to me she was special.
Although I wish to spend eternity with you.
I already knew this wish will never come true.

So sitting back, I played my role.
It was obvious, that again I dug my own hole.
Knowing the target of the one she love.
I’ll manipulate possibilities from above.

Within a day I got them to meet.
I leaving mid-way was a rather easy feat.
Seeing them I notice her blooming with happiness.
As I watched from afar, once again within the darkness.

Reviews

[bob, small b. aka invs]

i think you'd do much better if you expressed yourself without attempting rhyme. some of the rhymes just don't work (puzzled and special? happiness and darkness?) and they detract from the whole piece. my recommendation would be to work at expressing yourself first without rhyme, then once you feel comfortable doing that, work at rhyme and meter. good luck and keep writing

[DA-PoeT]

I get what your trying to say.. just remember poetry is free expression
Stay creative man.

[Dalton Holt]

I agree with all the others here. The rhyme definitely distracts from the actually context, and it sounds too much like a doctor sues rhyme. It sounds odd.Do what Bob said and write without rhyme, then add rhyme if you want. This poem can much better if you do this. Ignoring the rhyme, this poem is pretty good. Some of the ways you express your message, your phrasing, are excellent. I liked the message you were trying to said. When ignoring the rhyme, I enjoyed reading it.

[ImSJ]

I have to agree with Mom and bob. But perhaps inadvertently you have written one brilliant line:
"Her smile and charm struck me like a gun." Having been pistol-whipped by a couple of dangerously beautiful women I can commiserate.
You have struck on a good theme for your effort. Keep working on it.

[MomzillaNC]

You present some interesting themes here. But, a deeper meaning is lost in the forced rhyme and the lack of a well defined meter.