UNFORGETTABLE

Some prints cannot be erased. Some memories don't vanish, they just sink in darkness waiting for their time to resurface. Some people are just unforgettable.

I have had an intense thirst of her since last week. I tried drinking a lot to suppress the urge, unfortunately, she had dug deep into me than I contemplated. I thought letting her go was the best thing to do for both of us. At first it felt as if everything had burnt to ashes, and became impossible to assemble, but the surfacing of her beautiful face ignited the memories we shared. Once more, her memories arose anew from those ashes and I felt her devoid in me harder than before. I felt the need of her burning through my skin. I missed her.
Not only did the sweet memories cuddle me and caress my lonely heart, they did open my wounds too. Those that had been bandaged and almost healed, became fresh causing agony.

“We should talk about this Ken.”
“What’s left to talk about? No, just tell me what’s left to talk about when you said it all with your scoundrelism…. S**t it’s even worse than that.” I couldn’t keep the anger within me. She had violently broke my trust. I just couldn’t believe that she would go that far and cheat on me.
“How could you? God!”
“Was I not good enough for you?”
“It just happened. Everything went so fast that I couldn’t realize the mess I had done. We can work this out. Please Ken. Everyone screws up sometimes.” She begged as she pushed herself towards me trying get hold of my hand.
My mind had been disrupted and filled with chaos. I couldn’t seem to think straight. The air around me became so heavy that I was struggling to breathe. I had to hit my head a couple times to make sure that I didn’t overreact and do something I’d regret.
I pulled back before she could get hold of my hand.
“Are you serious right now? Things went so fast huh?” and that was the dumbest excuse I have ever heard when someone is  caught  red handed committing adultery.
“Were they fast enough for you not to realize that he…………… whatever he is, was getting into your pants and gobbling your womanhood?”
“Or was he Flash that he could speed through f*****g you a dozen times in a split second? Tell me!”
“Ken please I’m sorry. Please forgive me, we all make mistakes sometimes.”
“Did you like it, Rose? Say it!”
I couldn’t take it anymore. My mind was fully engrossed with pain. S**t! My wife had cheated on me s**t! Without another word I turned to leave.
“Ken please don’t leave. We can talk about this. Please come back,” she yelled at me as she tried to catch up with me. I hurriedly closed the door behind me and locked it from the outside. I didn’t care how she would get out. I just wanted to leave her and be left alone to think.
“Don’t you dare leave Ken, please,” she shouted continuously through the window as I drove off. I didn’t know where I was heading to, all my mind whispered in my eardrum, was to go far away.

It has been two years down the line since I divorced her. Now I’m alone in a bar drinking while revisiting the memories we had. In lonesomeness I scrolled through the best memories that transpired between us. With keenness I admired her face as it surfaced on my brain. It was lovely. Masterly crafted.

I kept wondering if I was so drunk that I kept sinking in those past memories. It seemed as if the alcohol wasn’t doing its magic of suppressing all that had inflicted pain on me. Or maybe I had much to drink that I opened up the Pandora’s Box which had all those memories and that I swore to never open-to get past it. As I drowned in those memories while the alcohol molecules got absorbed in my nervous system, the longing of her intensified. My whole body in unison with the mind stood up to show off the void that I was missing her with extreme.

I couldn’t help it since the goose bumps had already signaled that it was true, I missed her.

Everything seemed so intense that I reached out for my phone in my right pocket jeans. Without hesitating, I searched for the message icon and slightly touched it. It sprung open in a flash displaying all the messages. Hers wasn’t there since I sort out a new number after the divorce which was definitely keeping myself away from her tele communicational beseechment. My thumb instinctively went ahead to create a new message and typed her number which was the easiest of all, since half of it was zeros.

“Hey Rose, I hope you are doing great. Ken.” I sent the message hoping that she had not changed her number. I would be damned if she would have. Like really damned.

I stared back at my drink as I let Safaricom do its thing and deliver the text message. The thick brown liquid seemed meaningless at the moment. I failed to tell if the alcohol’s effect was wearing out, or it was at its peak. After all, it just made me text my ex-wife. I guess it had wrapped itself around my unspeakable consciousness.

Suddenly, my phone vibrated and lit up, automatically displaying a pop up message on the screen.

“I’m fine thank you. How about you Ken, how have you been holding up|? Coz I have been missing you.”

That was way too easy. I mean totally different from what I expected. It certainly was a prank that would leave me empty and humiliated, right? After all this time, she still had the guts to be kind?  No.  Something must have been amiss, but I couldn’t tell what exactly.

I thought she would text back with furious insults or rather tell me how foolish I had been to let go of what I would seek back. I expected her to tell me that the world spins around, and at some point, I’ll face what I made happen to someone else. I expected her to arouse the guilt that underlay in me by reminding me of Passenger’s song; you only know your lover when you let her go.

Anyway I was glad I wasn’t outcast in any way. I as much felt comfortable as home.

“I missed you too (with an emoji smile). Everything is great at the moment. Are you free tomorrow at 7pm?”

Well, that was fast. I had sped through like she was a call girl. It was inappropriate for me to do that considering the fact that I steered to the result of the present moment- her being my ex-wife. Unfortunately, harm was already done, I had send the message. It was now time to rip what I sowed.

“Yes, I got time,”

“I want us to meet over dinner and talk about how much we have missed each other.”

“I would love that Ken.” She couldn’t stop calling me by my name even on text message. I guess I had dug dipper into her like she had with me.

I sighed with relief as I texted her the restaurant we would meet.

“Until then, have a good night.”

I put back the phone in my pocket as I called out to the bartender. I gave him a thousand note and rose to exit the inspiring place that just made me text my ex.

“Hey mister, your change,” the bartender called out to me as he waved his hand with the cash in it.

“Nah, it’s your lucky day pal, keep it.” I smiled at him for it was his cold and strong drink that made me successfully ask my ex-wife for a date. They say when you receive good things, be willing to give out. I guess more were coming my way.

“Thank you,” the bartender shouted happily.

As I pushed the door open, my phone vibrated. I pulled it out and what I saw made my night.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you. Sweet dreams.” Rose couldn’t stop amazing me with all her kindness and her charmingness that drizzled through her texts.

I closed my eyes to let a long lost feeling subside in me, and inhaled deeply. It felt like the first time- I was so eager to see her. It was the reopening of a chapter that was already written, a moment that time granted us a chance to experience once more. I could distinguish though, if it was a second chance or a whole new chapter.

It was too early to show concerns anyway, we will have to wait and see what happens next. I smiled all the way back home, a spark within me had been reignited.

 

Author's Note

Once a part has held on to you and made itself whole with you, then its grueling to undo it.