Must've Been a Crazy Party

Chris wakes up in an odd place and meets someone new.

Must’ve Been a Crazy Party

   “Hello. I am Siri. Welcome to your new home aboard the Laqueom. Please respond and take note of my salutation so that I may know that you are animate and capable of speech.”
  Chris hit the floor and coughed up a milky white substance. His head pounded in protest to the robotic female voice. “Could you please…not…shout?”

   “On the contrary, the volume I am exercising is standard, and should not be inconvenient to you. But if you request it, I can mitigate my speaker function to suit your overly sensitive needs.”
   “Whatever. Do that.”
   “Complying.”
   Chris opened his eyes. He was in some kind of room, it…it almost looked like a locker room. Dim red lights and large metal lockers and boxes made out of some kind of black metal gave the room a gloomy, but organized, feeling. He turned around where he was on his knees to see a giant pill-shaped glass pod erected on the wall. The door was open. He realized he’d fallen out of it.

   “What the hell is this?”
   “It is your cryochamber. When we were no longer in close vicinity of any nearby planets, I unlocked it so we could begin your project.”
   “My project? What do you mean my project?” He stood up, groaning at the swimming sensation in his head.
   “Please, you should rest. You are not functioning at full capacity. It would be wise to--”
   “I’m not doing anything until you tell me where I am and what the hell is going on.”
   The voice paused for a moment before answering. “Very well. The Laqueom is the name of the industrial Malszino-class galaxy vehicle of which you are a passenger. It was primarily used to smuggle passengers and supplies safely from one tanker port to the next until Pyrthor Leetu promoted herself to captain. Since then the Laqueom has served host for all manner of creatures gathered from exterior planets to be made suitable for performance in battle.”
   Chris leaned back against the wall, pinching the upper bridge of his nose between his eyes. “Look, I don’t know what kind of dream I’m having, or why a program from my phone seems to be conducting it, or what you even just said. I just want to wake up and get out of here.”
   “But, Private Hamington, we have just begun the operation. It is time to wake up the other counterparts. You are not hallucinating. I chose a popular artificial intelligence from your planet to appear normal to you.”
   “Quit talking about planets, lady.”
   “Private, planets are not a common a discovery in this sector. We are in deep space.”
   “Bullshit.”
   “I assure you, I am programmed communicate with full accuracy. It is against my protocols to lie.”
   “How do I know you aren’t lying when you say you aren’t programmed to lie?”
   “…”
   “Well?”
   “…It is against my protocols to lie.”
   “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Chris got up again and started pacing the room. “So while I’m stuck in this weird-a*s locker room, do you have anything for me to do?”
   “You will be released when the debriefing has concluded.”
   “So start concluding. I’m just about done with this crap.”
   “Private Hamington--”
   “I’m not a private,” he interrupted. “Stop calling me that.”
   “Very well, soldier Hamington,” Siri compensated. Chris threw up his arms as she continued. “As I previously cited, The Laqueom’s recently altered primary function is to host and train inhabitants of planets in various sectors. This endeavor has yet to be successful. You and your fellow soldiers have driven the figures of attempts to five digits. It is more likely than not that you will not complete your training.”
   Chris looked up suspiciously. “Training for what?”
   There was a pause. The room was silent except for the quiet hum of something far underneath his feet.
   When Siri finally spoke, the robotic undertones of her voice seemed to host a kind of surprise. “For war, soldier Hamington.”

Author's Note

All critique is welcome, I really want to make something out of this.