Intoxication

a short text I wrote while I was dating my ex- girlfriend

I pushed my second pillow next to my body to pretend someone is sleeping beside me. Maybe it’s pathetic, but it’s nice to know you’re not alone (even when you are).
I couldn’t fall asleep so I decided to make some herbal tea. 

There was a certain smell in the air; her perfume didn’t leave the room. ‘Scumbag brain’, I think to myself and smile. As I was waiting for water to heat up I took my notebook and a pen. Words were flowing in my mind and I couldn’t hold them in anymore. 

-I’m hopeless, yes. I’m strange, too. But I always had so much to give and no one to give it to. Inside of me there is an endless ocean of secrets and... love? I never quite understood the concept of that word so I never wanted to say it out loud or use it in any form. Why would I? I read of all those people destroyed by it. Even my own family was destroyed by love that eventually turned into something ugly.

I try to camouflage that I feel anything and it turns into sadness and a strong urge to sleep it off. Sleep never resolved anything, to tell you the truth. Sadness became my comfort. It’s something I got used to. There was no one invading my world of sadness; not until someone made my happy. That person was usually pushed away as soon as possible. Why? It was scary to feel happy. There was a thought in my head about it being gone. Change was never good, I needed a constant. I was a coward. I don’t want to be like that anymore.-

I read what I wrote and threw my notebook on the desk. It made no sense, as usual. I laughed out loud. Water was boiling so I poured it in a cup with a kitten on it. While taking a sip I burned my tongue, I never learn. 

I smelled that perfume in the air again. The notebook on my desk caught my eye. I thought of her and started writing.

“I never noticed your body with my eyes

But my fingers remember the shape of it

I never noticed your face with my eyes

But my lips remember the taste of your skin”

I finished my tea and went back to bed. My mind became empty as I started falling asleep.

Reviews

[dunnia]

this is very deep and it shows lots of your emotion and the pain you went through......stay strong lots of people in this world that love you even if they necessarily know the true meaning behind that word....you know i love you and i dont even know you so imagine the people that do...you must be very lucky :)

[dunnia]

theres supposed to be a dont somwhere in there hmmmmm oh yea before 'necessarily' was in a rush

[Ina Waltz]

people like you, kind soul, keep me going through all the bad moments. Thank you for the support. I am very lucky, indeed. Noah (I saw you two met already :D ) is an amazing person and I'm truly happy. When a person finds love in the smallest things, she/he finds the fountain filled with drops of happiness. :)

[dunnia]

aww im very touched and yes we have met and you guys are the most cutest couple im very envious im rooting for you guys 100% hopefully one day ill find the one who makes me happy

[Ina Waltz]

Thank you awww, that's so sweet!
I'm sure you will! You're an amazing person :)

[dunnia]

thank you >.

[3rd Chance]

Its rare to see stories from you! - Its a change I do relish though, even it if it IS a short story. A swiftly-spun tale, which, I'm guessing you penned in exact correlation to the point-of-view character's situation. A passive pining lingers in the heart of this character's beating bosom, and lingering thoughts are channelled into prose. Before the words were inked, sleep was impossible and fleeting - but after the expression of poignant longing, lapses into slumber and the world of dreams.

[Ina Waltz]

I'm planning to write more short stories, I find it relaxing.
You guessed right! (it freaks me out how right you are sometimes haha)
Thank you for your lovely interpretation :)

[Marie Baskerville]

this is such a nice piece... very deep and heartfelt

[Ina Waltz]

Thank you, Marie.

[Stanley Wilson]

intense deep great write

[Ina Waltz]

Thank you for your lovely review, Stanley.

[Stanley Wilson]

welcome