Deathwish

A Poem by Christina

I want to come crashing down out of the rain clouds
That loom over a dark and silent and mysterious forest,
And I want gravity to snatch me up and entrap me in a suffocating embrace,
As if Lucifer himself stretched his arms up from the depths
Just to grab me and drag me down into the deepest pits of Hell.
And I want a thick, gnarled tree branch to get caught in my spine-
The impact stealing the breath from my chest-
And rip through my stomach.
I want the color to drain from my eyes,
And I want them to become great orbs of marble sitting in my sockets,
Reflecting inside them the dreary sky overhead,
As blood gurgles from my mouth, overflows,
And falls down the sides of my porcelain cheeks.
I want my body to shrivel and deteriorate in that tree,
And when my soul is finally released,
When my soul is finally freed,
I want to be the wind that rushes through the forest
And rustles the lonely canopy,
And I want to be every molecule of water that flows in the river
And crashes itself against the stones,
And I want to be alone for the remainder of eternity,
Waiting, roaming until the world ends,
And the only noise that exists comes from my own thoughts.
One day I’ll look up at my sad skeleton dangling from the branches
And I won’t remember what it felt like to feel my own heart beat,
Or what it felt like to feel my own lungs expanding.
I won’t remember love and grief and desperation,
And I won’t remember anything of the insignificant life I lived
Trapped in the confines of that little body.