Empty Day's...

The loss of a eldest child....

Shattered.
Cold awakenings at night touched by the dews of heaven.
Unfocused images as I wake with dry tears that are shaped like swords from my worn soul.

That is what life is without you.

Listening to the loud sounds of a restaurant filled with conversations.
Teetering chatters,
plates and glasses banging so urgently to the sound of my thoughts.
A room filled with confusion...
I am a child lost without a helping hand.

Life without you is loud yet silent as I try to make sense of the moments around me.
Days are busy while the clock stands still.
While the world is programmed to be on-time...
I am a watch without battery.
My time has stalled to the very beat of my heart that sounds unfamiliar.
That third rhythm.
That beat that is missing the feel of your soft feet that kicked within me as you grew so gently.
Attached to the very core of my conscious.

Oh sweet Hay...

you were mine and I was a proud sponsor cerebrum filled with our dreams.
Seventeen years in a deep wonderland. Those very sensors are now uncontrolled and I am spiraling through my thoughts of life without you.

I claw away at hope as I comfort those who came to me after you.
Fighting the hardship of this world that was lathered upon them.
Unsure of the outcome as I am broken with empty promises.
Trying to breath while whisking the thoughts of doing something ive never known...

'Quitting.

Moving at a steady pace.

Creating a hedge valley that is stamped in your name just to breath again.

Sweet Hayden...

Swallowing with a wrench in my throat pretending it is an inhale but the air is unfiltered and stricken with grief.

You will not be forgotten and I will never know the world as colorful as it was before the end of my days.
'That day!
Dark nights become my daily and I am a shadow waiting for a chance to maybe one day get a glimpse of my silhouette aligned in your color.
As you were the oxygen to my very breath that is thorned in my flesh.
The liveliness of my imagination when reading a favored book.
Creating a perfect image to a perfect ending,
untouched by my reality of my loss of you.

The sweet nectar of a flower sipped by the desirable touch of another enjoying its sensational taste of survival.

But how can a flower thrive without light?

What is a bird without nectar to drink?

A mother without a child to love?..

It's unfathomable.