So short, so short, only a single sentence and yet it has this effect on me. It has this aura of desolation and sorrow. I could imagine a boy struggling with a heavy burfpden on his back, tears streaming down his face, wanting, waiting and hoping that the burden will be removed and he will be spared. I loved this piece. Keep writing!
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Thank you very much. Yes, that is the kind of boy I had in mind. I am glad I was able to make the bo.. read moreThank you very much. Yes, that is the kind of boy I had in mind. I am glad I was able to make the boy so real to you. Thanks, I will.
My friend, how is it that you can pack such a punch is such a short piece? I have the answer for you: talent.
Now, I'm not saying that you need to write it this way, but I'm just offering my honest opinion. This is how I would have wrote this piece:
"Searching for a way out of his lonely life
Desperate(italicized)
Wanting the pain to end."
Just something to think about. Don't go rewriting it if you don't like it that way. I just wanted to express what I was thinking.
Anyway, well done!
Speaks a lot of the sorrow behind that one line. But as with a lot of things, just wanting something to end is not satisfactory as long as there is no desire to begin something new as well. If there is to be a change, it needs to bring something better than what is ended.
But the wish for an ending is well portrayed.
I love writing haikus.
I don't know if my poems are good. You can read them and see what you think.
There is a short novel/story that is not finished. I'm not sure if I will upload the remaining .. more..