Chapter 1. First glances

This is just an idea I just had. I'm not sure if I should continue. Parts of this is from personal experiences and thoughts.

"Through that, Cortez was able to capture Moctezuma's forces and citizens in a matter of a few days. Cortez took over the leadership position of the Aztec's after Moctezuma's death."

These words I hear through the door while I stand outside classroom 21 with Mrs. Friedman, one of the two secretaries at the school.

"Now, there are two things you need to know about Mr. Slater, your teacher, before we go in," Mrs. Friedman tells me. "One, if you don't get on his bad side, you will be O.K. Two, don't ever ask about his family."

"Why shouldn't I do that?" I ask puzzled.

"Well. . . not very many people know this. All the kids know is that he doesn't like to talk about hid family. You seem like a trustworthy guy so I'll tell you if you promise not to say anything to anyone."

"No, of course I won't. You have my word."

"Well. . ." Mrs. Friedman begins but then looks around to make sure no one is listening. When she is satisfied no one is eavesdropping she says, "His wife died two years ago from cancer and his only child died two months later from a car accident."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I'll remember that, thank you," I say with sincerity. 

"Now, not a word to anyone."

Before I have a chance to say anything, she raps three times on the door and then opens it. She walks in with a superiority that comes with being one of the top positions in the school. 

"You have a new student, Mr. Slater. This is Thomas Anderson," Mrs. Friedman says to my teacher.

She then motions for me to come in since I am still standing outside the door. I straighten my t-shirt and hoodie, shrug up my backpack on my shoulders, run my hand across my hair to make sure it's O.K., push up my glasses on my nose and then walk in. Mr. Slater saunters over and shakes my hand.

"Pleased to meet you Thomas. I am Mr. Slater. You can take the empty seat at the back of the class there," he motions to the back of the class on his right.

My eyes scan over my peers in front of me.  All of them are staring at me, taking me in, making assumptions, forming opinions. I quickly pick out the cliques that all typical high school classes have. The jocks, nerds, smooth talking guys, trouble makers, cheerleaders...my eyes catch a girls face. I focus in on her. Her soft, brown eyes quickly divert their gaze from me as she notices me looking at her. I observe her cheeks become slightly red as she blushes. Her light brown hair is a bit past her shoulders. I can't help but stare. She is beautiful. The most gorgeous girl I have ever laid eyes on. 

"Thomas?" Mr. Slater's voice snaps me back to my present reality.

"Oh, um, yeah. Sorry," I mumble to him casting my eyes toward the white tiled floor, ashamed for even thinking about her. I will never be good enough for any girl. No one. I shuffle past the rows of desks and arrive at the empty desk. After taking off my backpack and leaning it against my desk, I sit down while pulling a binder out of my backpack. I risk a glance over two columns and down three rows at the girl. Her head is bent over a piece of paper scribbling down notes. I sigh. I think to myself 'I'll never be good enough for anyone. Even if someone impossibly finds me attractive and sweet, no one would ever want to bear my secrets and burdens with me'.

Author's Note

Please be honest if you review.

Reviews

[Patricia Williams]

I really liked this. :) Like someone said below, I don't usually like school stories. But this one held my attention thoroughly. Good job! :)
The only thing is, I don't think a secretary would tell a student that information unless she was a blabbermouth; or let it slip and then begged the student not to tell; or the student pried it out of her. You might want to think about reworking that part. :)
I especially like the end. A little mystery never hurts to keep the reader interested. :)

[Legolas]

Thank you for the review. Yes I will look into that, thank you.

[The Pain Stays Fresh]

I'm so angry with myself!!! I just posted a good long review and accidentally closed it!!! ToT Anywho, someone needs to slap some sense into your for that ridiculous apology. You are plenty good enough. In fact, I rather enjoy your work. The only qualm I have with this is the dialogue. It is, indeed, a bit funky. Keep it up, BunnyMan. :P

~Chey

By the way, sorry it took so long. I read this a while back and could've sworn I posted a review. Apparently not. I think my retarded is showing.

[Legolas]

Sorry.

[The Pain Stays Fresh]

OMG!!! Quit apologizing!!!

[Legolas]

Sorry for being sorry.

[The Pain Stays Fresh]

-_-'

[Pax]

this is good but like someone said below its a bid dry for me, but i really like
the realistic feel of the story which your readers can be drawn into.
put a little mystery on each character info. and description(for that it will follow as the readers progress.)for the readers to imagine..
good opening chapter.

[Legolas]

I am sorry.

[Pax]

for what, dont be sorry. Im here to help, if it offends you just tell me.

[Legolas]

For not being good enough.

[Pax]

hey, dont be like that. i enjoyed the read. lighten up my friend.

[Ceri]

The only small criticism I have is around the beginning some time, a secretary divulges some pretty sensitive information to a student. This isn't very realistic. If she's going to do this, I think she should either need persuasion from the student or she should display some element of her character that makes her such a total inappropriate blabbermouth- maybe it's in the mannerisms? This is a great foundation though, it just needs a few details in the first half to make it more believable- you did this better in the second half I think. Also, not sure such a tragic man would "saunter", unless of course we'll later find out he's hiding something.. only a sinister sort would saunter after what happened to him. I like the hook at the end, very mysterious. Interested to read the next chapter, good work :)

[Legolas]

I will look over that.

[Zombie Waffle]

I like it.
Usually school-based stories leave me bored, but the prose was so good that you kept me wanting to read more.
However, the dialogue felt a bit dry...
It just struck me as too manufactured, like something an android might say. Eg, "I will keep both of those things in mind". The language needs to feel looser, more organic. Maybe say something like "I'll remember that" instead?

Oh, and I spotted a typo. You wrote (near the end) 'He head is bent over a piece'.

[Legolas]

Thank you. I am not a very sociable person so therefore my dialogue is very dry because I dont talk very much. Ill fix that.

[Celestial Witch Child]

Honestly... I really do like this intro. Simple and just the right length. It kept me interested- made me want to read more. Please do continue with this.

[Legolas]

Thank you very much. I have written a couple more chapters.