As far as I can comprehend this madness, it is about the loss of our humanity (mainly through these contraptions which causes our alienation from one another).
This just came pouring out. I haven't written anything in awhile and this suddenly hit me. Not really sure I care for it except the last stanza. May tear it apart and use that in something else later. Haven't checked for spelling errors either. If you find any, please let me know.
My Review
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I'm not quite sure why you would not care for it. It speaks the truth that many see and the truth many refuse to see. Within the flow of these words, one can hear the mourning rhythm of an ode offered to humanity. It has the epic ring of the day to day apocalypse that we live through in each moment. Some are shielded from this view, and muddle on through life like sheep - blissfully unaware that the dreams they chase are but pale reflections of the dream they imagine. A solemn melancholy is the unjust reward for those that would see through the facade in the hopes of setting others free so that we seek what we once sought instead of this pale shambles of the dream. There is truth here, but it is a truth many refuse to see as they drink deep of delusion and denial. We still have the chance to make the actual dream a reality, but first we must release ourselves from this tainted nightmare to which we cling.
Dig some of the unconventional diction- doppelganger
Dig the themes
Understand your personal response. The piece isn't bad, but the last stanza is an oasis, and it's begging for new found water...
... oh wow ... this is a moment ... minutes ago ... i just wrote to possibly the most important person in my life who i haven't met since last july ... about why some things are completely unacceptable to me ... things that i shan't ratify or validate even if i am condemned and doomed to live in isolation ... i'd rather be abandoned on the grounds of being a social embarrassment ... and where i come from ... that's a "big deal" ... and now i read this ... a cutting edge and precise reflection of precisely what's happening around us ... oh ... this is glorious poetry ... revealing and scintillating ... inspiring and inviting ... (and i could write an epic on the brilliant instances of alliteration but i know you know so i won't) ...
Life's poetry and prose became subjugated.
Compassion soured with corruption
... biting ... if you were reading as much poetry as i have read ... in nearly two years on the internet ... these lines would be the wallpaper of your desktop ... remarkably expressed accurate observation ...
A victim of our dying piety,
Hidden within pixels
And plastics
... there you go again ... defining and re-defining the genius of simplicity and eloquence and factual accuracy ... sharp ... very sharp ...
An image translucent,
Seen soulless
... beautiful ... gentle yet lethal ...
For cohesion
But only finding futility
In our lack of ability
For adhesion.
... sheer genius ... the use of cohesion and adhesion are absolutely brilliant ... and the thought and insight is to die for ...
Into catechisms
Alienated by contempt,
Conformity and convenience.
... ah ... contempt, conformity and convenience ... that's so precise and so poetic ... you define contemporary cynicism so skillfully ...
Struggling for composure,
For palpability.
Bound by our culpability,
... and yet we have nothing substantial to offer for we won't allow it ... amazing thought again ... and of course ... more than amazing expression ...
Littered about our necks,
Memories chained.
A rosary caressed,
Worn with disdain.
... what a closing ... etches the image of rampant disdain with such a powerful visual ... i'm stunned after reading this verse ... i hope that you forget all ennui and write volumes ... highest rating ... (in case you doubted me even for a second) ...
Yeah! we did f**k up, didn't we?lol Brilliant work, as always from you Legion. The alliteration was delicious as I read it out loud. I believe we human CAN learn from our mistakes, and come back from the brink of this catastrophy that you so beautifully pen here my friend. It is just a matter of we poets pointing it out!
I like the stream of consciousness feel to it. And also that cathartic aura of it. You blend the stream of it with a nice flow of wordplay. Also Love the flying pig avatar in association with your pen name - brilliant!
Your rhymes never sound forced, and you aren't compelled to make absolutely everything rhyme. I love that about your writing. You are confident and it shows.
Wonderful imagery flow throughout... You hit your mark on how humanity gets lost within a world of over stimulation of drugs, technology, religion & unattainable dreams. Conformity & complacency is deadly. Very thought provoking...
LLR
I write about various topics. Mostly I write poetry/songs. I took my screen name from a concept album/epic poem I wrote years ago titled "Legion's Legacy: Tales of the Damned" which was inspired by .. more..