Deep Goddess (Completed)

Co-authored by the Unfinished Poem (Deep Goddess) contest winner Adrian K. Smith. Kudos to him.

Deep Goddess

 

1.
Fear rolled down her face
At what she saw;
At what she did.
Her arms stretched out above
Facing the moon;
Pulling it down,
To hold it in her hands.
How she caressed the night
And peered right through it.
I fell upon my knees
In silent prayer,
But she still caught the sound.

 

2.

She snarled at the intrusion,

Dropping the knife,

Dropping the heart,

The still beating broken heart,

Ripped from his chest,

Torn from his soul,

His essence bled dry,

Her eyess burned into me,

And sucked the life from me,

I could not move,

Could not scream,

And she moved slowly toward me.

 

3.

I cringed with each step she took,

Unable to stand,

Unable to flee,

Frozen in place awaiting my fate,

Knowing I was done,

Nothing I could do,

She stood there before me,

A cold smile from her lips,

Her eyes turned ice blue,

She said I love you,

She said I want you,

But I never saw the knife in her hand.

 

Adrian K. Smith & Legion

29OCT08

Author's Note

I gave Adrian first billing because most of the poem is his. My part was the first stanza which inspired the poem and the rest was his work. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Once again, kudos to Adrian (as well as all those who participated). :)

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

In reading this poem out loud, I just loved the sound of it. The intonation of your words is wonderful; and for some reason, it reminded me of Kwaidan - a series of four tales in which terror thrives and demons lurk. In particular, it reminded me of the second story, The Woman of the Snow. Set in a forbidden forest, it tells of a poor woodcutter lost in a snowstorm with a friend. Taking refuge in a shack, the pair collapse from exhaustion. But when the woodcutter awakens, he discovers a mysterious ghost-like woman blowing her icy breath over his friend's body and killing him. Spotting the woodcutter, the deadly phantom takes pity on him and spares his life. But in doing so, the woman warns him that he must never repeat, to anyone, what he has seen.

Ten years pass. The woodcutter is a happily married man with three children. His wife, praised by the community as an ideal of patience and beauty, doesn't appear to age. Yet, so secure is our hero in his family that he's prepared to tell his wife about the mysterious woman who nearly brought his life to an end.

But is this wife truly who she seems to be? Is she somehow connected with the icy succubus whose path he crossed years before?

The ending is much the same as that of your poem.

Great job!

Linda Marie

[Eyes focused like a mir..]

I'm left with an absolute horrifying image of reality at its twisted sick vine. To be honest this is one of the most binding and reflective piece I've ever seen in this site so far.

[Ayla Automatic]

Wow. Great shift at the end. The last line is what hit me hardest.

[Tiffany Blair]

i really enjoyed the intensity of this read...

[Ladysue]

The first stanza captures the readers attention. This piece paints a perfect picture and it is mystic which gives the reader a good suspenseful read!! A pleasure to read. Great poem!!!

[Helen Woodward]

That last line is a doozy! Strangely erotic as it builds to crescendo, I'm sure I have read some of this before? When it was not finished, anyway a terrific effort.
Helen:-)

[Gandré]

This reads... like a dream........then then the picture is clear... all is somehow speaking to me.. and I read no, it wasn not a nightmare, it was a beautiful dream. Great work! It has certain mystics. I love it. Thanks also for reading my new poem, much appreciated. We lost each other, somehow. Be well.

[Emily B]

oh, my . . . !!!!! Amazing work on both parts. Chilling and thrilling and absolutely scary enough for the season.