Deep Goddess (an unfinished piece)

Thought I'd post this for some feedback. See notes below for more info.

Deep Goddess

 

 

Fear rolled down her face

At what she saw;

    At what she did.

Her arms stretched out above

Facing the moon;

    Pulling it down,

To hold it in her hands.

How she caressed the night

    And peered right through it.

I fell upon my knees

In silent prayer,

    But she still caught the sound.

 

Legion

(date unknown)

Author's Note

Found this among some very, very old stuff of mine. It caught my attention, but for the life of me I can't remember where this was going. Don't remember if it was going to be a song or just a poem or perhaps part of something bigger. I like it, but am not sure what else to do with it for nothing seems to come to mind. If anyone has any suggestions for the continuation of it, I'm all ears. That or you can add to it yourself and be co-author.

Reviews

[Brianna Brie]

She continued to worship,
As I pleaded to heaven,
For my wife to keep.
With tortured regret,
I watched as she stroked,
This glowing orb.
I wanted to be once more,
The only moonbeam,
Of my Goddess Deep.

Missed the contest, but non the less I was inspired to add to your intriguing write.

[Brown Bull]

And as she looked at me
the light of the moon paled.
Now, only the glow
from inside her was visible.

In one of my forms, I am the Celtic Lord of the underworld, so I always look up to all of the goddesses from a special perspective.

BB

[Helen Woodward]

She's all ears isn't she? I like the roll of it, cut that last line and you will have something to work with. I'm going to put my head on the chopping block and tell you to ask either Antony or Dale (Rock and Roll cowboy) to co-auther this, both of these writers would certainly spice things up!!! They have a gift in this genre of writing...just a thought. I'll probably get kilt by the both of them...
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Up to you.
Helen :-( Oh oh!!!!

[[untitled]]

I fell upon my knees
In silent prayer,
But she still caught the sound."

I love this, because it leaves plenty of room for the imagination to fill. I have nothing to add, I think this is poetic perfection.

I've been this girl . . . a few times . . .

Beautiful and a favorite.

[Chaos]

Wonderful images here. I enjoyed this piece so far.

[angelina neves]

"Pulling it down,/ To hold it in her hands. /How she caressed the night" - this is a wonderful image!

[Tai Chi Italy]

The fear is possibly in the knowledge of her own power?
The narrators fear is audible in the but! possibly pun intended!lol
And so is his reverence in silent prayer.

This could go far....a book even.

Smiling at you from sunny sunday in Cornwall

Tai

[Cardinal Robin]

Thematically I think this could be about miscarriage. And a Goddess/mortal duality of the woman as human woman as creator. Grieving, fearful and hyperaware...I would continue along the lines of "Her silence so heavy it swallows other senses until Hope wants for air..."
Perhaps she lashes out at you or embraces you as the male next...Interesting as an open thread!

[Gandré]

sweet ending... i want to read more.. hmm great.

[darkgurl]

I like this
Fear rolled down his face
As he turned and looked around the place
His words were silent but could be heard
My fingertips reached out to his back
Longing for a caress
Licking my lips longing for a kiss

Drenched in the night
We clicnched on and held each other tight


Just a suggestion.....Kim (AKA Kitty Kat)