An Angel Crawls

I finally wrote something new. Thought I'd do an angel poem since there are several on here tonight. :)

An Angel Crawls

 

 

Lightning shatters serenity, once upon a tranquil moment,

As the vanity of pride capitulates its proponent.

Chastised and cast down by a boastful denouncement.

Now feathers, charred, scrape across this turbulent sand.

The desert inferno burning both knees and hands.

Burdened now by gravity, it finds itself unable to stand.

It cries out against such an unfamiliar sensation.

Pain and agony, the birth of its humanization.

Lost and left destitute, its soul consolation.

Breath comes thickened and demonically laborious,

A suffocation felt languishly slow and dangerous.

A birthing rite torturous and so insidious.

It slams its fragile, bloody fist against the grains

And chokes out "Father, I want to fly again!",

But Nothing listens as it crawls on in vain.

 

 

Legion

20July08

Author's Note

Not able to check for spelling errors right now. Not in my usual place. Let me know if you see any.

Reviews

[Helen Woodward]

Perfect!!! I tried to fault it but couldn't (kidding) You are a writer my friend in every sense of the word. You have written this eloquently and with much emotion. You poured your heart onto the page. It reminded me of Nick Cage's movie "City of Angels" very moving. A perfect example of wanting what you can't have because it will do you in. You take your reader to a higher level of thinking...Sublime!!!
I am featuring this on my profile and sending it on to Phill.
Kudos, with deep respect for a wonderful piece of literature that brought out emotion in this heart...
Thank you.
Helen...

[O!]

ure right, sad....a fallen angel, crawling...

btw...u could use the same poem and touch it up a bit and write about a Mermaid. What say u?

x,
O!

[annjeelynn]

Wonderful imagery; brilliantly executed. I feel so saddened for this creature, feeling it's agony all the way through. Especially vibrant to me was the line, "The desert inferno burning both knees and hands"...I live in La Quinta, California--to crawl on the ground here in the desert on all fours during the summer would be equivalent to placing an elbow over a gas flame!

FYI, there is a typo "destitute" is missing a "t" ) : )

Great work!

[Gandré]

It had a dramatic quality. I thought...I was scared. terrific wording here. I think, this is how religion made me feeling scared. I didn't want to be a part of it... You created a new perspective for an angel I never have seen this. great job !!

[Chaos]

Wonderful!

I love the imagery of this piece. A fall from grace. I would have loved to see the transformation from good (angel) to damned (dark angel). I could feel the progression. It was strong and powerful. When Lucifer fell from grace, he was angry at God and it was because of the anger, he began to hate and when hate consumed him, he became evil.

I loved it!

Thank you for sharing this piece.

[Leah Simone]

A gruesome picture you portray - the birth/huminization of an angel no longer able to fly
abandoned - tortured. Sad thought and you did a great job describing it.

[DeAn]

Awesome peice. I love it. gonna post my other one for you to read called Sweet Release. this is starting us on an angels run you know that right. lol

l8r g8r
-DeAn

[Spoken]

intese indeed and i loved the powerful images I get from your words.

Breath comes thickened and demonically laborious,

A suffocation felt languishly slow and dangerous.

A birthing rite torturous and so insidious.

It slams its fragile, bloody fist against the grains

And chokes out "Father, I want to fly again!",

great lines. Great write.

[Windy]

Very intense poem. Poor, Poor Angel. You definatly painted a deeply painful poem. Great job and extremely welll done. Congrats on a superb write.

[Simplicity]

Reminds me of a fallen angel. It's really good, one of my favorites. I can almost feel the pain the angel is going through being "humanized" (or however you spell the word!) . Great job!

[Larissa G.]

Probably one of the most articulate, powerful, and downright amazing and meaning poems I have seen in a long time. Can you say, favorite? :)