An Angel Crawls

I finally wrote something new. Thought I'd do an angel poem since there are several on here tonight. :)

An Angel Crawls

 

 

Lightning shatters serenity, once upon a tranquil moment,

As the vanity of pride capitulates its proponent.

Chastised and cast down by a boastful denouncement.

Now feathers, charred, scrape across this turbulent sand.

The desert inferno burning both knees and hands.

Burdened now by gravity, it finds itself unable to stand.

It cries out against such an unfamiliar sensation.

Pain and agony, the birth of its humanization.

Lost and left destitute, its soul consolation.

Breath comes thickened and demonically laborious,

A suffocation felt languishly slow and dangerous.

A birthing rite torturous and so insidious.

It slams its fragile, bloody fist against the grains

And chokes out "Father, I want to fly again!",

But Nothing listens as it crawls on in vain.

 

 

Legion

20July08

Author's Note

Not able to check for spelling errors right now. Not in my usual place. Let me know if you see any.

Reviews

[Helen Woodward]

Perfect!!! I tried to fault it but couldn't (kidding) You are a writer my friend in every sense of the word. You have written this eloquently and with much emotion. You poured your heart onto the page. It reminded me of Nick Cage's movie "City of Angels" very moving. A perfect example of wanting what you can't have because it will do you in. You take your reader to a higher level of thinking...Sublime!!!
I am featuring this on my profile and sending it on to Phill.
Kudos, with deep respect for a wonderful piece of literature that brought out emotion in this heart...
Thank you.
Helen...

[StrawberryDream]

I agree with Bob, whom quoted my favorite part.....Stunning!

[Robert Francis Callaci]

Burning imagery.. These lines will be etched in my memory:

"It slams its fragile, bloody fist against the grains
And chokes out "Father, I want to fly again!",
But Nothing listens as it crawls on in vain."

I've been studying jewish and christian mythology for over thirty years and have written extensively on the Lucifer myth-even been writing a mythical cosmology for the past five years with Lucifer as one of the main tragic figures in my tale- But these three lines would make Milton proud...

He became separated from the nothing that made him able to fly with God-magnificat poem


my warmest
bob

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The fallen angel --- everything about this is fascinating. You use some very intriguing words here capturing the reader with detailed imagery. The last 2 lines are sad but adds more depth, emotion, etc. to the poem. Very nice ending. I really enjoyed reading this.

[FANTASYKNIGHT]

Most amazing and descriptive poem on that!!! I am stunned, this is excellent, i wish i could use such descriptive and imaginary words. Hopefully i one day will!
AMAZING

[Angel's Lady]

The desert inferno burning both knees and hands.

Great imagery! Very poetically written. True poetry in motion!

[Stella]

Great words. Great imagery. Enjoyed it thoroughly!

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Earth has become the new battlefield where angels and fallen angels are locked in constant combat. The winners and losers of this celestial continuous battle � and this � an image of a fallen one!

Great write!

Phill(ozofee)

[Pink Poison]

This is great! It captures the agony of being a human very well all without mentioning that very thing specifically. I love the imagery here. Fantastic poem in every way.

ps I think pigs are supposed to have curled tails ;)

[darkgurl]

I think this is very well written here kinda sad, but wonderfully written....Kim