This Achilles' Heart

A haiku of the weak side of love.

This Achilles' Heart

 

 

Baptized within you.

Myself given to weakness,

This Achilles' heart.

 

 

Legion

05Jun08

Author's Note

May change this. Working on different versions of this. Not sure which one I will end up with eventually.

Reviews

[Dorchadas]

beautiful piece legion... I love the vunerability... I think that the simplicity adds to the feeling... it's perfect. Sometimes simplicity is best... it's so easy to lose the true depth of feeling or emotion of something with complicated imagery. Great call... truly expressive without being pretentious.

[howlfjdks]

Please keep this. I was just looking up achilles heel last night! The story is awesome and I love how you wove that into the heart we all have that weakness for someone. Leave this as is...absolutely lovely.

[Tessa]

i give it... two thumbs up... way up!

though as an aside, is achilles has his weakness on his heel, where is the weakness in your heart? the left ventricle? the aorta?

[Dani California]

"Baptized within you."

That's a powerful line legion!
The haiku is perfect in its entirety but that line
really grabbed my attention and said.... whoa!

Excellent.

[Rodney Russ]

Interesting Haiku. Achillies Heart sounds strait out of a Conrad novel. Good use of adjective.

[Sam Freeland]

Great haiku, please forgive my response, you made me want to try:

a more active mind
knows fewer limitations
you knew this so well

[zee]

I love this. "Baptized within you." It's a beautiful line. This poem is so simple yet so profound. There's much said in those few words. The emotion has been captured. i can definitely relate. It's so compassionate and sweet.

[darkgurl]

Beautiful, well said and well done.

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

I love this senryu, with so little words used in a clever way did you rendition the story of Achilles in the perspective of a mother who wishes to make him Immortal because of his wounds in the war against Patroculus; It makes me want to read the Illiad once again by Homer. ---mishel :S

[C. Harter Amos]

To say so much with so few words is real art. I like the comparison of the Achilles heel with the vulnerability of the heart in love. It's my own weakest spot, and probably everyone human's. Well done, well said.