Where A Teardrop Fills The Ocean

A short piece about the loss of love.

 

 

 

Where A Teardrop Fills The Ocean

 

 

 

Where a teardrop fills the ocean

And loss burns up the sky,

This is the place you'll see me

In the wasteland of your eyes.

 

When a solemn promise splinters

And a vow breaks open wide,

That is the moment rendered

And I am torn from your side.

 

What fire that burns the coldest

Within charred remnants of this heart

Gives birth over to grievance.

Souls intertwined now ripped apart.

 

Legion

22May08

Reviews

[Thomas James Martin]

I really enjoyed this. Did you mean it as a lyric, as it reads like a song to me. I liked all the stanzas. bit particularly the first one, which is sad but quite beautiful: Where a teardrop fills the ocean

And loss burns up the sky,

This is the place you'll see me

In the wasteland of your eyes.

Tom

[April Child]

Nice title. Strong piece. Took me right there, to that place of loss, wasteland of lost souls. Well captured.

[Justin Tobey]

I agree with Thomas; it feels more like the lyrics could be a song. The rhythm was a little bit off to me at first, but his statement that it could be a song really struck a chord for me. Thinking of it from a song perspective, the rhythm is fine, and the rhyming is wonderful. I particularly like the description in the first stanza. Good job!

[Tara Jean Olson]

loved the imagery you have conveyed in this piece.

[[untitled]]

A very sad post but, beautifully written. Each stanza flowing in sadness but with grace. Thank you for sharing.

[Sydelle Houston]

Quick and to the point, I like it!

[Vanessa_Page]

The lines...
"This is the place you'll see me
In the wasteland of your eyes"
Really capture that moment of realisation that love is gone.
I admire lyrical poets! It comes naturally to some people...good stuff.

[Dorchadas]

amazing imagery... written with such depth of emotion... I really love it... beautiful piece ;)

[Kitty]

This is such a sad yet beautiful piece. The rhyme and flow is awesome and it just catches ones heart. Reminded me of a few heartaches from my life...

Great write!!!!!

Josie

[PoetryXpressions]

Wow, this is a superb write. I loved every word. Thanks for sharing.

[robin]

You and I could play at swords day and night, you clearly have the passion for the fight! The coldness in the eyes is grand, the tearing of betrayal and breeched contracts, and the neverending flames of being ultimately wronged. Such is the castle of love of any fine Man! Watch out for the keepers! Great write!