The Law of Attraction

A piece about how people and things are pulled together. Gravity. Attraction. Whatever the reason.

The Law of Attraction

 

 

The law of attraction.

Gravitation pulls
Found bound in shadows,

Defined in darkness I find

A struggle for direction, a stand.

Being bent to your will,

But will I break you with mine?

Stamina beaten down

Within a captured destiny

Abashed by a controlled dignity.

Hidden within,

Kept in check,

Not found in vowels
(the u and the i)

But in a number

(the one).

Expressing the equation

Of a common denominator

Left off the page

But lifted to life.

 

 

Rules written to follow,

Broken or not.

 

 

Legion

26Apr08

Reviews

[JC]

I found this quite an interesting piece. I have to agree with Rain about the flow. In the middle, I think you either need to go with giving the vowels as part of the stanza instead of making them as a subtitle, or eliminate them altogether.

"Stamina beaten down" ... definately my favorite line. It reminds of giving up trying to fight the inevitable.

Kudos!
JC

[Seven]

Written nearly a year ago...

I really love it.

[Cherub Apathy]

Once again your way with words amazes me man...

"Stamina beaten down

Within a captured destiny

Abashed by a controlled dignity."

It has a really good flow too.

"Defined in darkness I find

A struggle for direction, a stand."

This line right here.. I've felt like this too many times.

Great write. I think it's goin to the favorites.

[JohnL]

Fascinating. It leads into all sorts of side tracks and byways of character, will, personality - science even - consider magnetism for instance in place of gravity - unlike poles attract - like poles repel. There is a wealth of relationship issues in that, especially around your rather clever 'I' and 'U' area. You really got me thinking with this one (having retired with a glass to my arbour, of course).
John

[Aamna!]

wow
this was realllllllllllly creative and thought provoking.
i like the organization and its nice the way you use unique words to explain the law of attraction.

[Wildfleour]

I came back to reread this and enjoyed it even more the second time around.

[Justin Tobey]

I think this was a wonderous piece! I absolutely loved the line "Within a captured destiny." I got a rush of feelings and thoughts with that one line, it's amazing. This piece is definitely going in my favorites. Excellent job!

[Angel's Lady]

Found bound in shadows,
Defined in darkness I find

Most thought provoking indeed. Good job!

[Autumn's Child]

Ah, the usual tug of war between a couple, both of whom are RIGHT. I'd say I could relate, except every relationship I've been in, I've been the only one right. I wonder where those guys went..... Anyway, I digress. Wonderful poem, and it definitely embraces the tone of a relationship. I really like your writing style.

[O!]

This is VERY clever and creative. One could read this over and over....kinda being pulled in (down)...gravitational!! ;-)

x,
O!

It took me a few readings to get all the meaning I could out of this, which really piqued my interest. I very much like the choice of words you used in the first half; "bent", "controlled", "captured" all really conjure those gravitational images very well. As some other people have said, I really liked the passage "Not found in vowels..." to "...(the one)." It's a very interesting play on words and juxtaposition of concepts.

My only quibble with the poem would be that the last four lines of the first stanza don't seem to mesh with the rest of it overly well. In the rest of the poem, the scientific / mathematical terms are subtle; "defined" and "captured" can be used in either an abstract or scientific / mathematical way, but "equation" and "common denomination" are much more concrete and seem to disrupt the mood of the poem. Maybe you could separate it from the first stanza, or just jiggle the words - or leave it as is, if that's the effect you're trying to create =). 'Tis just my musings out loud.