Some Things in the Shapes of Men

I was bored and came up with this. The best I can say is it is about seperating one's self from God. Or the evil that men do and the consequences of it. Either/or. What would Milton say?

Some Things in the Shapes of Men

 

 

Some things in the shapes of men

Scurry toward condemnation

Carrying sins

With relish.

A selfish schism

Of the fallen,

Tumulting by their own device

Forward into oblivion.

 

Some things in the shades of men

Languish in damnation,

Held within

That hellish,

Nefarious prison.

Agony sullen.

Repenting late in their demise,

Dwelling in Pandemonium.

 

Legion

25Apr08

Reviews

[Xtabber]

Excellent! I loved this! I was looking at your avi and thinking "I wonder if he's a Pink Floyd fan" and then pulled this up and LO and BEHOLD something that makes me think of the Floyd album "Animals."

These lines are very powerful:
"A selfish schism
Of the fallen,
Tumulting by their own device
Forward into oblivion."

Some who don't have a religious basis for Hell might say that the only evil is unrepentant acts against others, usually perpetrated by the strong on the weak. Don't get me started on politics or metaphysics :)

[Antonio Valentino]

Legion, do us a favor, and get bored, more often.
This was a very thought provoking, and artful piece.
Yes, for some "things" they are human, only in shape.

So very well put.

[O!]

What goes around comes around.....
karma good and bad....

argh! people...or should i say the minds of ppl???????

O!

Oooh, a topic of personal interest to myself =). I find Christianity a fascinating well of inspiration, though my personal perspectives place it mostly as fiction. I have a gilt, embossed-cover copy of Milton's works including Paradise Lost in my room that was printed in about 1850 ^_^.

Onto the poem itself, though, I love the way you have layered language and structure to create deeper meaning. The phrase "Some things in the shapes of men" is, by itself, very evocative; was that the original line that inspired the poem? The broken-lines further emphasise the "Selfish schism / Of the fallen" lines; the image of breaking away from the sinless. I especially liked the way you made the sinners fall "Forward into oblivion"; by falling forwards, you make the point that they know exactly what they are doing, but choose to do it regardless. The entire progression of the poem, too, echoes the traditional tiered-effect of Hell, with the most trivial sinners at the 'top' and the most heinous as the 'bottom'. Here, those things in the shapes of men that are still scurrying about and carrying their sins is at the top, while at the bottom is Pandemonium itself.

Simple on the outside, but deeper than appearances suggest. A good poem indeed =).

[Carl Fraser]

There is always a price to pay my friend, and evil done for the moment here will have all eternity to live it out daily, I liked this

[Alister Flik]

I like this. Nefarious is a great word, by the way. Though, I'm sure you know that. The mention of pandemonium is well implemented. I felt like the entire poem led up to that word, in some aspects. There is a lot here that I'll have to think about. "Carrying sinsWith relish." Sounds like a few particular denominations of Christianity that I carry in my personal experience. This is good insight. Thanks for writing.

[Brett Campaigne]

im sooo in the shape of men, i'm part of the men shape game... but we are not men. This poem has power in the ominous tone in the words, but there are deep waters that make your brain pop thousands of leagues between these lines.

[radian7]

Awesome opening line.... startsouts with a punch and doesn't let up till the end of the poem.

"Some things in the shapes of men

Scurry toward condemnation

Carrying sins..."

This poem feels like a classic!

[Emily B]

There seems to be a very big difference in the first works I read of yours (way back when) and those I'm reading now. . . is it just me?

[ambur]

Very emotional and powerful poem. Nicely written. The diction you used brought out your idea extremely well.

[Andromeda]

you have amazing word choice. love it