In My Mind

In my mind i see things differently than they appear. 

You see for as long as i can remember the things i never understood 

where things i always seemed to fear. 

I tripping damn i really think i'm slipping. 

I dont know who i am any more i'm losing my head. 

I scream at the top of my lungs IM BETTER OFF DEAD!!!!

what can i do i don't know how to live.

im so far gone i don't see me ever coming back. 

Im no longer high on life buh drunk off death.  

Being high is supposed to be a upper while being drunk is called a downer. 

So i feel low, lower than a person lying in a fertilizer bed. 

I think i'm better off in a casket with the bugs eating me from the inside out. 

see i don't think i'm worth the time nor the space of ashes in a vase. 

No i don't feel i deserve it. 

You cant imagine what i see at the highest point of the day. 

sometimes i look in the mirror and i don't even know what to say.

Im lost for words and all i could think of is what i simply see.

Disgust.

Its disgusting to see me the way i do 

but you cant imagine nor really see me for who i am

unless you take a trip in ma mind.

Ma mind is so caged in

Its almost a sin.

The way i feel every day, as my life goes on. 

I cant seem to make heads or tales of this .

Its like a depressing love song.

Im encased in rage 

Right now i feel as if my anger will soon obliterate this cage

im ready to start fresh.

Right on a new page.

open a new chapter to my book of life.

On of these days i got to start living right.

Stop fighting what i already lost. 

And stop trying where i've already won. 

My life up to now has been set up for me

a path already paved.

But i'm starting a new, i'm taking a different route.

i want something better, i want to live better.

At the crossroads i stand, choosing my own route, 

not the route thats already chosen for me.

Sorry Lord, you knew what would come of me

I know you already knew what i would do before i did it

Im well aware of the fact that you know which path i would take.

I dont wish to disappoint thee.

Im just sitting here trying to be free,

just trying to be happy.

I know wherever i go you lie above me

watching over me

So i ask you lord please forgive me for all the wrong i've done

Please don't forsake me, i know at heart i'm still your son.

Please guide and lord show me the way.

and if if you cant show me the way, lord forgive me for being lost.

Though inside my heart i truly feel like a beast,

In my mind is where i truly feel at peace.

Reviews

[Geel]

beautifully written...in our lost moments is where we find the light in are dark moment we strive to be closer to God...u are not lost u have already been found...searching is what makes us free because in time we are reconciled back to the Creator "God himself"