Dark Secrets

Lights Out... You can't find what you can't see. I’ve become a clouded face, unrecognized

DARK SECRETS

 

These eyes Tainted and Scarred,

The Heart restless behind bars,

A Soul lost between then and now

 

I’ve become a clouded face, unrecognized,

A Shadow within materializes

Unaware, there’s no time to prepare,

Unleashing its fury for all to bear

 

Strength it feeds from those who care,

Twisting and turning words and stares

Form is now what I once was,

It’s Poison if any… One of Love

 

Shadow now I, fight I try...

For those I hurt, my words are lies

Understand I cry, I feel your pain,

Ball and Chain, I am restrained

 

Pleasure filled, Darkness slips away,

Face left to those I've betrayed

Strength to hold on, You reach for my hand,

Smiling and Scarred, Your eyes Understand

 

SHADOW lingers and laughs within,

Your LOVE inside, he cannot win

 

Legacy

Author's Note

What is your Dark Secret - visit and enter yours today http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/-Volume-1%2C-Book-2--Dark-Secrets/13548/

P.S. Re-read and between the lines

Legacy

Reviews

[Luis Gabriel]

I love the minimalism! I love the shortness of the statements to really pack the punch of the emotion displayed! The only constructive work I would do is maybe some constructive imagery to tie the emotions to something I can see or feel, it feels alot like there are so many things felt blending all together I don't know where to start!

Great job, keep it up!

[Keevan]

"Shadow now I, fight I try...
For those I hurt, my words are lies
Understand I cry, I feel your pain,
Ball and Chain, I am restrained"

That stanza lingered in my mind when I finished reading this. I loved this, very powerful and a amazing imagery. Do us all a favor and please keep writing!

[Lily Mae]

"Shadow now I, fight I try...

For those I hurt, my words are lies

Understand I cry, I feel your pain,

Ball and Chain, I am restrained"

This stanza says so much... I love it as a whole..You've penned these emotions well..xx..

[kasanova]

very nice. it goes deep. :D

[gocubsgo25]

Hi Legacy.

I see this is a very popular piece on the site, and I have no doubt everything I'm about to say has already been said by somebody else. But, I'm going to give it a shot to say it in a new way.

There's some room of interpretation about the theme of the poem. I've observed that others think it's about one of a pair of lovers and the lies they've told, the love they've tried to let inside. Personally, I don't think it's that specific, and I don't think it has to be constrained to lovers. It can be opened up to anyone. Anyone has lies, shadows, and love, if from no one else, than from themselves.

The rhythm is unparalleled in the poems I've read on here so far. The more lyrical style compared to the prose style I can more readily decipher is a bit obscure at first; but I worked through it. :) I enjoyed the turn of phrase, "Shadow now I, fight I try." It's flipping words around and phonetic sounds, which is something I take pleasure in doing, as well.

Not much to critique in this poem. However, I did notice a grammatical error:

In the last line of the second stanza, you have: "Unleashing IT'S fury for all to bare" --> "Unleashing ITS fury for all to bare"

Best of luck,

gocubsgo25

[Jacey Poison Girl]

Hahaha my dark secret is that I want to take the cast of Glee and blow them up :-) but then again THAT isn't much of a secret. Anyways great poem good job

[Poetic Beauty]

This is a great poem that is twisted and dark. The inner thoughts and secrets people carry can be hard on the person if they never learn to forgive themselves and move on.

[Chalisa]

A truly moving poem Legacy.. I loved it! Even in darkness though, we can always find the light..

[akapr17other]

This definately has a dark mood to it. It's so cool that you can create a feeling in anyone that reads this.

[patricia]

very deep. A soul lost between then and now seems the key to it. A kind of cry for help...a sort of hopeless hope. Thank goodness the answers aren't always down to us.

[yashsickle]

Nice piece, loved everything.