~Self Esteem~

They say the first five years of our lives create who we will become throughout our journey in this world. Our Qualities will be known, our morals and beliefs will surface. What we were taught during this short duration will determine our future independance and well being.

Where in this time, does our self confidence become established? How do we learn to walk with our head held high, and comfortably maintain eye contact with humanity? At what point in life do we become strong enough to take on the world, and believe in ourselves?

I remember reading a poem many years ago, that justifies this belief of our childhood environment. The name of the poem is Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy L. Nolte. A few of the lines that emphasize this hypothesis are:

If a child lives with encouragement, they learn to be confident.

If a child lives with approval, they learn to like themself.

If a child lives with ridicule, they learn to be shy.

If a child lives with security, they learn to have faith in themself and in those around them.

The teachings in these lines are clear and focus on the psychological impact of a child's mind. I feel these statements to be accurate as to how we learn to carry confidence, although I'm not so convinced that this is created in just five years of life. My son was never ridiculed, yet he is overwhelmed with shyness, and throughout my upbringing, security was never a question (financially at least), yet confidence has been a daily struggle for me.

I was always the girl who stared at the ground while walking, looked away during conversation, and was never the one to start the conversation to begin with. Remembering sitting at my desk, praying the teacher wouldn't call my name for the answer to her question, I can still feel the fear of having to receive attention.

Thinking back now, to my first years in life, trauma, unfortunately played a role around me. Passed around to different caregivers, father figures came and went, and unknown forms of abuse sent me to the hospital on a few occasions. It wasn't until just after my sixth birthday, that stability finally blessed me with it's presence...however day after day, new situations somehow found me and tested my strength. I failed...the confidence I desperately needed which left emptiness in my soul, was the reason I made some poor decisions, and found myself "settling" for what seemed good enough for the next twenty-five years. Asking myself why, I realize that I just didn't know that I could have done better.

If a child lives with acceptance, they learn to find love in the world.

Again, is it possible this poem holds truth? My theory is Yes it absolutely does, but this logic continues throughout childhood, adolescence, and into adulthood. The path we walk, the life we live moulds us into who we are, and can change us into who we become.

The road I've known offered a sharp turn recently, and I chose to grab the wheel and change direction...forcing me to face my fear of being in the dark, getting lost, not being accepted, and risking love. For the first time, at the age of thirty-three, I am finding confidence in myself and in the people around me. Learning to trust and approving of myself for my actions. I have began creating goals and dreams:

If a child lives with recognition, they learn to have a goal.

Focusing now on these goals, believing in myself, knowing that I am beautiful inside and out, and realizing what I can offer the world.

Can a leapord change her spots?

This didn't happen over night, but God has granted me with the environment I needed, and the most loving, caring person who has dedicated his heart to me, helped me believe, and learn to surround myself with this poem...educating my heart and mind on what actions to live by and utilize them properly...giving me the gift of my self esteem.

Now and only now, I am ready to take on the world, and accept the many wonderful things it has to offer. Thank you Matthew.

Children Learn What They Live....At All Ages