In the dim of the night

            The tall trees cast eerie shadows in the dim night. I treaded on. Time was of essence and running out on me. I left my car parked about half a mile from here. Technically, I was lost and stranded in the woods but it didn't matter. I had to get to the bottom of this. "No police, come alone. If you want her alive, you'd be a smart girl and listen. No police." His gruff voice had echoed into my phone. My Mom had been reported missing two days ago from her workplace. I had searched immensely for her, kept calling her phone but to no avail. I contacted the police department and made a report, but so far nothing. Until I received that alarming phone call about an hour ago from a man who claimed to have kidnapped my mother. I adjusted the large, duffel bag on my shoulder. The ransom money he wanted. Beads of sweat trickled down my back. The hooting of owls filled the air, mosquitoes buzzed around me but I carried on. I wanted my mother back. She was all I had after ny father passed away when I was a young girl. I couldn't lose her now. I fought at the tears that welled my eyes that were on the brink of falling. My heart beat faster,as a loud screeching sound engulfed me. I began running. The woods and its habitat were beginning to creep me out.

                I saw a light in the distance and breathed a sigh of relief. There, stood an old cabin. Shining through the cracked windows burned a flame of what looked like a candle. My heartbeat accelerated.I pictured my poor mother lying helplessly on the floor, bound and gagged. I looked at my phone, half expecting it to ring from my mothers perpetrator. Instead, I realized there was an x to the top of my screen. No service. Damn! I was about to peer in the window when I felt a wave of pain surge through my body. I felt an excruciating pain in my head. That was all I remembered before slumping to the floor. I opened my eyes to the sight of my Mom staring at me, her mouth gagged, her hands and feet tied. I opened my mouth to squeal in delight, only to realise that my mouth was also gagged. I looked down and realised my hands and feet were tied as well. Pain shot through ny head from where my attacker had struck me. I blinked in the dimly candle lit cabin and took in the beat out fireplace, the antique table or what used to be a dining table. Then I saw him. My eyes twitched in disbelief. He stared at me with an evil grin upon his face.

           I realised my Mom's co worker and neighbour Ben, whose eyes were piercing into me, giving me the creeps. I looked on in total disbelief as this man surrounded my mother. This man was considered a good friend by my Mom, they would sometimes catch a bite to eat, grab a movie if they felt like it. He even tended to my Mom while she was ill, when I quizzed Mom about it she said they were just friends. Now this was totally insane, why would my mother's own friend kidnap her?

          Ben glared at my mother and then began pulling her hair, "If only you hadn't refused to go out with me, this would have never happened." he muttered coldly. My mother began crying, I started groaning so that he would leave my Mom alone. Tears trickled down my cheeks, I wanted both me and my Mom to escape this ordeal. I was cold, exhausted, hungry and pain stabbed at my body. I realised I had to find a way of escape for me and my Mom since Ben was acting like a demented stalker with cruel intentions, as I looked down and saw the gun he was holding on to.

      He snickered and began pointing the gun at my mom. "If only this b***h had sais yes to me, this wouldn't have happened. She ruined everything!!!" I began crying and glanced at my mother whose eyes told me that we had to do something fast before Ben in his demented state, killed us both. I tried wringing my arms to unravel the rope, but it cut into my skin tighhter. Along with my feet tied and on the fround, I was practically helpless. I muttered a prayer to God to spare me and my mother's lives. I had to devise a plan quickly before it was too late. I glanced outside the window and saw the moonlight and stars dancing in the night's sky. It was late, I had to act fast.

     I began to groan hoping he would untie my mouth and let me speak, but he just stared at me in disgust. The click of his gun alerted me and i began squealing frantically , as his gun was pointed directly at my mother. I panicked and tried wriggling and moving to free myself but I was bound and gagged too tightly. Tears streamed down my face as I realised my mother was going to die and I was unable to save her. My life flashed before me in a split second, my mother hosting surprise birthday parties for me, comforting me when my Dad passed away, cooking dinner for me, the endless times she was there for me. I shut my eyes tightly, embraced death and whsipered a prayer for me and my mom's souls

     Suddenly a loud, piercing gunshot filled the air. I began crying hysterically, this was it.  My mother was dead and I would face the same fate in a few seconds. Instead of feeling pain surge through my body, I heard a kind voice reassuring me that everything would be okay. I opened my eyes to the sight of a slim frame police officer, with kind brown eyes. He was already unravelling the cloth from my mouth. "We had to shoot him maam. He was going to kill you both." I began crying and noticed another police officer attending to my mom. About five feet away, Ben was lying lifeless covered in a pool of his own blood. The police officer added, "My partner found his backpack nearby. It was filled with your mother's pics. He was sick." Tears streamed down my face as I noticed lights blinking outside, they were already wheeling my Mom into the ambulance. Inside, I whispered to her "I won't ever leave you Mom. I promise." She smiled, a smile of gratitude as tears filled her eyelids.It was over now, we could breathe a sigh of relief.

 

         

Reviews

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Leeci, this is gripping! I usually don't read short stories such as this but your first few paragraphs had me hooked to the narrative. Element of surprise is hard to achieve but you did it very well! I agree with Angel that minor improvements like the punctuation marks, capitalization, and spelling should be taken into consideration. Also, I think the font used is too small. Make it a bit bigger to be more readable. One more thing, the paragraphs should be divided into smaller chunks and the speeches enclosed in quotation marks should be separated from the other paragraphs as well.

You have the talent, Leeci. I look forward to more of your splendid works! I like this one so much! :)

[Leeci]

hi thanks so much for reading my work. I was so excited to write this, I didn't edit properly but I'll fix it up and resubmit. Thanks so much for reviewing :)

[Elim]

The main bones and idea of this story are really very fascinating, and I like the way you used suspense to grip the reader's attention. With a little editing to fix up a few small mistakes with grammar, punctuation etc., this could be even better than it is already.

[Angel]

This piece makes me think of how we tend to take for granted the people who are close to us. We don't appreciate our mom/dad/sisters/brothers/husband/wife...until the day they are taken from us.
Why do we spend so much money bringing flowers to the funerals of our dead loved ones?
Should we not bring them flowers while they are alive??????

Needs a bit of tinkering with the mechanics...punctuation, syntax, spelling, stuff like that...but the story itself is outstanding.
Terrific write, ...Leeci

[Leeci]

Thank you, I've just got a creative imagination. Should edit it for the erros. thanks for your feedback, it means a lot ;)

[Leeci]

Opinions and feedback are welcome, thanks for reviewing :)