I Flicked a Pick (Now with Audio)

God shave the queen, she's got a lot of heirs...

                 

 

 

 

 

 

I flicked a pick, that pick it stuck

that icky sticky picky f**k

Upon my boot a mucky brute

a wad of yucky fucky gunk.

 

“F**k, that gunk stank!”

“Yuck, that muck stuck!”

 

And even though I kicked and kicked

still that slinky glob it gripped,

that spongy scungy grungy skank

 

it would not leave indeed,

it would not go, and so…

I scraped and stomped and screamed some more:

 

“F**k, that skanky rank chunk!”

“Yuck, that clinging hunk of stink!”

 

Yet still, that gloopy poopy junk

with its haunting taunting clinging

it would not leave indeed,

it would not go, and so…

 

I grabbed a whacking hacking blade

and gave a mighty weighty chop

I made that gremlin go, indeed

I made that gremlin stop,

with its taunting and its haunting

and its gloopy poopy drooping.

 

I sliced it meanly cleanly off

and thanked my common sense a lot.

I nixed that whacky tacky foot

and ganked that punk-arse ball of snot.

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

I love this for two reasons.

1--it is so grotesque and vile as to cross into the humorous and we've all been there even the queen.
2--perhaps unintentionally to pointed out just how savage words can be. And reversely how loving. The topic you have chosen--boogers-- while high on the yuck factor is an unlikely one any reader will hold near and dear to her heart and so you can rip loose, but still the savagery was felt. Words are powerful and can do unintended and intended damage and reversely lift one to new heights.

Anyways this is what I got...lol.

Great write, my new friend.

[L.Edward]

I dig that you mused on it for awhile. That is a compliment within itself. Much appreciated!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

This is absolutely disgusting!!!

Now, that's a compliment. That ought to tell you that you did a great job in making us 'feel' what you want us to feel. Not all writers and poets can do that. :)

Hilarious piece, Edward. You are such a daring soul to post this. :)

[AYVID N]

Yuck! The yuck factor is high! Great use of words to make it sound so ugh! A very enjoyable read, once ee get into the groove! :)

[Pryde Foltz]

The audio ... the queen meets monty python meets shakespeare

[ANTO]

Sex Pistols meets Pryde Foltz - Hey Im kidding. I often wonder as I cycle past the drivers stuck in the traffic, mining their honkers: How many deaths are caused by picking le nez...?

Funny write Leeby.

[L.Edward]

Cheers mate. Much obliged. Idea for a new bumper sticker: "Honk if you picked a winner today!"

[Mother Maggie]

Great work--given the same circumstances, I try very hard never to get caught, altho, I must admit, my sig oth has walked into the room or looked up from a book at most inconvienent times.

Live long, laugh loud and love fully without reserve

[L.Edward]

Will do. That's sound advice my friend, well noted. Thank you!

[Yellow Butterfly]

Ewe... funny.... especially the picture of the Queen. One of my pet hates seeing people picking their noses especially a public figure like the queen.

You've nailed it with this witty sticky gunky @"*# write... hahaha

[L.Edward]

Cheers thanx for stopping by.

[Yellow Butterfly]

Your welcome... :O)

[John]

A rollicking good read, great fun. It has an improvisatory feel to it. It's as if you are running out of words to express your feelings and you are making them up the more exasperated you become.

[Tate Morgan]

lol I saw her looking at the flowers for diana and thought what the hell does the queen need a handbag the size of a suitcase for ?Doesnt she have lackeys to do that? She isnt near as classy an act as diana was

[L.Edward]

Cheers for stopping by. I wrote the poem separately a long time ago, but as I was looking for artwork to post with it, I discovered this photo of the queen and I couldn't resist giving my old Brit punk influences a bit of a tickle!

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Interesting topic. Excellent read and write, definitely humorous.

[L.Edward]

Cheers for the read. Thanx for stopping by!