Chapter One

Gil stood there at the payphone and scanned the crowded room. It was a Saturday morning in San Francisco, late, and this was a coffeehouse wherein patrons where eating their late breakfasts and engaging in conversation and drinking their strong bean coffee. Victorians and Edwardians of Western Add could be seen across the street whereon cars and vans and VW buses went past and there was a low sound of soughing sibilance. He looked around for familiar faces and caught the eye of a friend and went over to him and

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

A warm welcome to the Café, Writer 🌾

I shall offer you my very best review effort:
Verbose in spots, archaic in others; yet, I think your writing skill shows excellent potential.
Below, edits illustrate where I perceive improvement can be made in flow, simplicity, and a more interesting imagery:

Gil stood at the payphone scanning the crowded room. It was Saturday morning in San Francisco, and this was a coffeehouse of late breakfasts, engaging in conversation, and drinking strong bean coffee.
Victorians and Edwardians of Western Add could be seen across the street, where cars, vans, and VW buses rolled past in a low sound of soughing sibilance.
Gil looked around for familiar faces. Catching the eye of a friend, he went over and....

I hope this review of your first effort will offer a bit of welcomed help in furthering your writing skills. I am looking forward to reading more of your work, as this story has already caught my attention.
Thank you, Writer, for sharing! ⁓ Richard🖌

[please, drop by my pages for a visit] : )