Begin Again

Original date: 16 Oct 2013

What I want is

 change

What I crave is

comfort

What I need is

safety

some place where I can let my walls down,

even though I'm not alone.

 

 

All I see is

confusion

All I want is

purpose

All I am is

lost

in this struggle for an identity

independent from them.

But all around me in this world, people crash and burn

as though their lives were meant for it,

wishing but not believing that they are more than this

 

And I can't see past

 

your hungry, tired eyes which reflect my own desire

for a life that just makes sense and I think

you must have been one of the young ones,

so full of life, buzzing so fast from one party to the next

in search of something none of us can explain.

Where are you now?

And where will they be, the young and free

who claim this spirit is a part of me, too,

when I don't feel it?

What happens when it's all over and the choices you've made

have got to be faced in the light of day,

 

will you tell me then to join in?

 

That isn't who I am, and though I'd like to be bold and however much I desperately ache not to be alone,

I can't.

I can't join you there because I can't forget like you can that someday I'll have to

look back and say to my child, YES!

I did that!

Knowing it will give her permission,

no matter how many times I beg her not to risk her life, and I know

this is true because I   al   most     asked

Mom, did you try it?

Dad, how much did you take?

And why why why would I want to know if I knew I would never do the same?