LL2

           Lover,
        You pulled back your hair as your body rested against mine. Your lean across my side, and your hips nestled into my stomach left me wanting to cry. You wrapped your right arm around my waist to brace us both for the coming moment.
        Wearing one of my very favorite night-shirts of yours, you swept the covers off of you but left them over me. In that small v-neck, you remained pajama pant-less because you felt a little hot. Oh, how right you were. I could see it. I rubbed your bare legs while you tied them up with mine and sank down into a tangle with my lips.
        We stared at the other with enough unadulterated passion to brighten the dim in the room. A minute before, we were watching a favorite, funny show, and now our own movie has put itself on. As entertaining as Tobias is, our scenes together would win critics and awards across the world. Remember one thing, always, for me Love: Our fantasy now is our reality later.
        In this moment I've described; this moment I replay daily, I caught a glimpse into something. You're heard me talk about it before, but it seems to be important enough, to me, to bring it up again. I don't want to say it was prophetic or some kind of premonition because that just sounds retarded...but that's exactly what it felt like. One second you were the girl I knew I loved but had only shared a short time with. The next, you looked down at me with eyes that were decades familiar. Like you have been here all along.
        Although your hair was still short enough for your bangs to freely dangle and no nose ring hoop to speak of yet, you were not twenty-two, nor were you my girlfriend. Instead, you were the other half of my marital bliss and the bearer of our domestic fantasy. There is one, most essential thing here to note: Since the evening of this event, I continue to see and think of you in this delectable way. I have no other way.
        I am at home with you at times when I've typically felt awkward and bizarre. I don't know how you do these things to me; I don;t understand, quite yet, what about you gives me instant comfort, but you do it so, so well. With little to no effort -- not that I can see, at least. I think it's in your giggle. I'll let you know as soon as I figure out the mystery.
        Regardless of what ever conscious or unconscious technique is in effect, it performs with a ferocious precision and delicacy. I think you now know just how fragile I might be. I've never once had a chance to be this openly and purposely vulnerable. You give me more freedom as a human being than I've ever been offered before. It is a freedom I could only acquire through you. It's a freedom fit for a better man, but I'll take it.
        The things you know about me, as well as the things I know about you don't seem to be enough. They don;t seem to satisfy us. Must be because we're readers. Phew...we both lucked-out there.
        I want, and I plan to know everything there is to know about you. I have long since made my preparations for a life of learning about Kelsey Terrill. Eventually; hopefully, it will be a life of learning about Kelsey Gleeson.
        When you leave my sight, things tend to go awry. I cannot seem to shake that desperation; some kind of hopelessness or helplessness. I don;t know. It's silly. Every dark brown Volvo I see brings me clinching teeth, a swelling heart, sweaty palms, erratic breathing, a little mumbling, crooked smiles and puppy dog eyes. All in response to a fool's expectation. All sorts of melodramatic body language comes into play until the Volvo passes without so much as a back-fire. And yes, there are s**t-loads of dark brown Volvo's hanging around. Seriously...s**t-loads. It's weird.
        My decompression period takes place during the hours in which you drive further and further south. I need this interval of an almost mourning-like reaction, for now, but I am working on its severity. It is getting easier. Usually my thoughts shoot away from my control as I know they do with you. They venture places I can't stand. Like the flip-sides of our fantasy. They play on top of my biggest fears; keep me bloody and begging for solace. They batter my confidence until my mind is reduced to a pure form of anxiety. Thoughts of how I will support you if I can barely support myself, let alone the family we both so desire. This then smears its way into the idea that you may leave me if I cannot provide. The darkest part of all is the notion that if I can't marry you in a some-what timely fashion, give us both children and make a life worth celebrating, I will lose you forever.
        I think of these things and then I remember the catch...it's all Bullshit. That fear; that mentality is an absolute waste of thought. It's far too much looking ahead and not near enough appreciation for the present.
        When my mind turns sideways, it only takes a while to stop its spin and straighten it out again. I feel like that kind of thought process takes all of what is wonderful about us for granted. I remember why we're doing this. we are Lovers so in Love, and we belong where we're at for now. We focus on today with an emphasis on knowing what we both want for tomorrow. We bask in bliss, for each next time we share a table, bed or shower, we mine as well be in heaven.
        By the time we both have our s**t figured out to a more productive level, we'll already be okay. We will find ourselves suddenly deep within the transition from fantasy to reality. This I am most confident of.
        I did not tell you these ugly things to put tears in your eyes. I hope I made that obvious. I made an effort to fit in a few giggles. I told you so you might understand why my mood dips a bit when I watch you drive away. More than that, I told you so you would see how ridiculous I think my own negative thinking is. you make it easier for me. I hope you know that. Your voice always talks me down from the highest peaks of sadness. I hope you hear that. Like I said before, I'm working on it. It doesn't last long anyway. I only have to remember, and sometimes verbalize how thankful I am for my chance to be with you in every moment as it passes.
        Lately, you seem to be suffering from the same aches as I am. I can't imagine our relationship moving anywhere but forward. I accept it will move a bit slower than we want. It's well worth what ever pace we place it in. We are fairly sure of our current placement. We are both patient people; both quite unwilling to drop the ball on something this powerful. After all, we're not the only ones who can clearly see the importance of this most intimate of human bonds. A connection strong enough to endure where most would seizure, implode and finally blank out all together.
        Baby, I trust in us. I trust in us more than I trust in any one person or in any one other example I've found in this life. For all of my issues, of which there are some you do not know, that is saying a lot. I'm willing to bank many, many things on our miraculous Love affair and its success. An unrelenting tenacity to see this through to whatever end there is. I only ask you to hold on. We're not even close to the beset part, yet.
        There's something else I want you to know. Believe it or not, our discussions of marriage and children are not for your sake alone. Please believe me when I say I want these things too -- more than I can express. Where we differ, I think, is your desire to have these regardless of whether or not I fit into that picture. I, on the other hand, held only a faint curiosity for these subjects until your face and words painted the proper picture and revealed my hidden desires. I have discovered that I can only accept these opportunities and responsibilities with You. As far as I can tell, no one else will ever suite me.
        The affection I show you is absolute and inherent in me. A primal type of instinct only relate-able to breathing. It has become a property of mine which could never be diluted, forgotten or untrained. You will not go a day without receiving my sincerest of compliments, not because you will ask to hear them -- you should never have to ask -- but because I find myself without a choice in the matter, and because you deserve nothing less. My appreciation, gratitude and blatant happiness will easily display my enthusiasm for what I consider to be a run-in with shear luck. Nor will you ever be deprived of my unconditional Love.
        All of this is honest and belongs in this Love Letter of yours for one very, simple reason...I can't help it.
        I'm in love with a Goddess, I promise, You are.
        I belong to you. I am your possession. I am devoting my entire being to Yours.
        Are You ready?
                    Mikey.