This Is The Rhythm I've Made For Her

000000000000Got a visitor in my head and she looks just like you0000000000000000

000000She tells me parts of her secrets and as secrets often do they lead me

on over to the wrong side of her blues00000000000000000000000000000000000

000000I sing some silly songs an attempt to save my youth but the only

soul to save it for has ended up as you00000000000000000000000000000

          88888888888888888888888884888888888888888888888888

          8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

          88888888888888888888888888488888888888888888888898

000000000000Got a visitor in my head and she seems to be like you00

0000She likes the ink she finds in between the lines all around my words

but she knows I love hers more and she keeps me rich with laughter so I can

forget I'm older poor and bored000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

                    888888888888888888888888881888888888888

                    888888888888888888888888888888888888888

                    888888888888888888888888888888888888887

000000000000Got a messenger in my head and she might be speaking through you

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

000000She comes welcome with gifts of wine and smokes and makes herself

at home in the vault locked up in the center of my skull of which I have

only sighted twice for the second time in life000000000000000000000000

000000I promise to keep you here by my thoughts my dear in mind00

                                  828888888888888888888888888888888888

                                  88888888888888888888888888888888888

                                  888888688888888888888888888888888888

000000000000I've got a woman in my head and I'm sure she could be

you00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

000000Of all the things I've sought to say the only thing I could has a fear

of being caught as the very something we may look forward to day in after night

and night after day0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

000000At least in this moment I can offer my voice as the only proof I have to

display my admiration for a creature so foreign I'm sure and afraid she'll

travel away000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

000000Now I'll give you one more word of mine which could stand the

longest test of time while I will stay behind an imaginary line and

be as quiet as they come just as subtle as I ever was if I was ever

subtle about this at all0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

   8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888588888

        888888808888888888888888888888888888888888808888888888

              888888888888880888888888888888888888088888888888888888

                     888888888888888888880888888880888888888888888888888888

                              88888888888888888888838888888888888888888888888888888          

                                     I've got a secret on my tongue and a woman in my head yes now

                                      she knows they both belong to herXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

                                    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

                                XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

                            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

                         XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

                        XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

                         XXXXXXXXXXX

                           XXXXXXXX

                             XXXXXX

                               XXXX

                                XXX

                              XX

                            X

                            x

 

 

         

Reviews

[LeeLee Ryder]

the look of RRhythmRRhythmRRRRhythmRRRRRRRRRRRhythmmmmmmmmmmRRhythm is very intriguing...
I love the reoccuring visitor line .... Visitors are announced or can pop in anytime.. I guess she's always in your head..an amusing muse if ever I saw one ... I love these lines especially: "She likes the ink she finds in between the lines all around my words but she knows I love hers more and she keeps me rich with laughter so I can forget I'm older poor and bored" and "She comes welcome with gifts of wine and smokes and makes herself at home in the vault locked up in the center of my skull of which I have only sighted twice for the second time in life" (the only suggestion I have is to maybe put a space or / between the words & the rhythmic 0's, 8's, 4's, 1's & yourxxxxxxxxxxxthoughts might stand 88888888888out a bit better8888xxx?????
Just a thought as I shrug my shoulders in your general direction,
ShrugshugsLeeLee Ryder

[Stripes]

Um, is the format supposed to have all those freaky symbols? It really messes up the flow of the poem and it's hard to tell what the poem is about. But... I don't know.

[Kayleen]

that looks really cool! unfortunately i couldnt read it because it was to busy for me. that might just be because i have ADD tho :P but from all appearances i suspect the content to be great to

[RAWR!]

HHAHA you seem more bored then me!
awesome poem, so lyrical i want to sing, oh and the messy chars everywhere just made my brain shortcircut so i could not stop reading. very cool dude

[Jola]

heard in the rhythm of this poem ears ... words turn into music ... good job!!!

[Emily B]

it's a song, stunning lyrics that only need guitar and drums to rise off the page and float away . . .

[H]

I want to see this on a canvas.

[Pen Draggin']

I've been waiting to read this very patiently and now that you have finally allowed me to I find myself infatuated. I read it once and was intrigued, read it twice and decided I would count the numbers and try to deduce what they meant. I think that this piece will captivate me for quite some time, which I am excited about. I'd really like to know who this is about and discuss it at length with you. Call you soon, I promise.

[DavidRyan]

Brilliant, man. I watched you do this for 10 hours today. I'm glad you finally got it finished. I know too much about all of this, so anything I say isn't going to be something I didn't tell you right after I read it. Reality is great inspiration, isn't it? Writing allows you to be more honest than you ever could be in person. Glad you got all this off your chest.