Part 1 of The Voices In The Distance

WARNING: DO NOT READ IF NOT PREPARED FOR HEARTBREAK AND YOUR EYES TO BE OPENED WITH REALIZATION...

Part 1
The Voice In The Distance
By Leanna Kelly



She screamed as the whip lashed across her bare back.
“How dare you pull away from me!” Her cruel master spat. “You belong to me, and you have no right to challenge my actions toward you!”
“Sorry massuh!” Mika screamed again as another lash sent fire creeping up her spine. Blood dripped from her raw back as the spikes attached to the whip attacked her innocent body. She couldn’t stand it any longer, so she jumped back as the whip was raised again into an assaultive stance.
The door suddenly burst open as the master’s wife ran and snatched the whip out of her husband’s hand. “That’s enough! I cannot sleep with such haunting sounds, you should learn to control yourself on how many times you must whip a slave!” She yelled.
“Oh sorry my darling, you go back to bed and I will quickly finish off this slave.” He said as he drooled over his wife’s stunning figure.
She sighed, “I hope you were treating this slave with…respect. You still have to keep room for me in your…love towards women.”
Mika felt like spitting in the couple’s faces, but reluctantly kept herself back. She would only get a more painful punishment. The master’s wife left the room and, once again, turned back to the slave.
“Let’s just see how quickly we can get this over with my sweet.” He smiled with repulsive disdain, with eyes disgustingly lustful.
She shut her eyes and tried to think of her past, and all of the happy memories of her family dancing with energy to the rhythmic beat of the samba drums. Oh how she wished that she could be with them now! Her anger towards the mysterious white people all the more grew as she thought back. They had treated her like she was a piece of trade, delivered and sold back and forth between people. She was still treated like that, and expected to be that way for the rest of her life. Or so she was told.
The next day was the same as any other- her work in the rice fields never seemed to end as the day would drag on. No matter what day it was, Mika always feared that she would be the next one to be taken victim to a snake biting or such. Death was feared in all of the slaves; how and when would they be killed? Mika was so frightened. She had vivid nightmares each night of horrible deaths she had encountered. Except in those dreams she would always be the victim.
But one particular day, something strange happened. Something that no slave had ever expected. They would have never thought to expect it.
The wind was blowing from the North, and the rice was getting ready to be harvested. The slaves labored painfully, as dawn approached quicker each minute. But suddenly everyone looked up. A galloping was heard in the distance, a great sound that would deafen the ears if too close. But what surprised Mika and all of the other slaves the most was the shouting. What they were shouting was so weight-lifting that they could have believed that they were in heaven. The men were shouting repeatedly,
“Vryheid! Nie meer slawe!” (Freedom! no more slaves!), “Vryheid! Nie meer slawe!”
Their bodies tensed as they heard a voice behind them. What was about to happen, was beyond their understanding.

Author's Note

Hello! This is my first short story with the genre, 'historical fiction'. Do you think I should write a 'Part Two' or another story based on this? Feedback would be highly appreciated!

I recently read a book based on slavery and such-I really got inspired by this amazing book: 'Copper Sun' by Coretta Scott a Kind award-winning author Sharon M Draper.
I highly recommend this book, if you have a chance, read it!

Thank you for reading, I do not discourage any comments concerning your point of view, editing and/or grammar mistakes, or anything else! I always enjoy a good debate!

Have a good one, hope you enjoyed! (Sorry about all of the exclamation marks! **!**)

Reviews

[dan]

The story of slavery in our history is a dark stain that can never be scrubbed away. I had to read a book for History 101 in college by a freed slave, Frederick Douglas, his account of his time enslaved. Can't recall the name of the book but it is very eye-opening. Your story has a great beginning, I think you should continue writing it. take care...dan

[Barbara Tennyson]

“How dare you pull away from me!” Her cruel master spat. --Dialogue tag sentences are units: a single sentence containing what was said and who said it. Since it is all one sentence, DO NOT capitalize 'her': “How dare you pull away from me!” her cruel master spat.

Also, standard paragraphing is one character's actions, thoughts and speech per paragraph. When the actor/character changes from Mika, start a new paragraph with this: “That’s enough! I cannot sleep with such haunting sounds, you should learn to control yourself on how many times you must whip a slave!” She yelled. --and don't capitalize 'she'.

Interjections, like direct address and 'oh' etc, are set off with commas: “Oh(COMMA) sorry(COMMA), my darling, you go back to bed and I will quickly finish off this slave(AND HERE PUT ANOTHER COMMA, because what was said, no matter how many sentences in the dialogue, is all part of one sentence),” (NO CAPITAL LETTER)he said as he drooled over his wife’s stunning figure.

Pronoun confusion/too many 'they's: What they were shouting was so weight-lifting that they could have believed that they were in heaven. How many groups of people are referenced here?

There are many awkward constructions. Try reading this aloud. That can sometimes allow the author a fresh perspective on the text.

[Not here]

yeah i definitely think you write another part or a story based off of it. i enjoyed reading and it was eye opening. but good job !

[disquieter]

The writing shows promise. However I think the main fault of it is that it is trying to force emotions from the reader. Especially with the warning you put in the story description. As a reader, I feel like I'd rather decide for myself how I feel about the scenarios described. Maybe take some of those emotions and try to keep them in the minds of how the characters feel rather than directing it at the readers. If the readers get attached to the characters, they would feel the heartbreak that you intended.

[AaronFreitas]

This is an awesome depiction from the slavery times. I felt sad reading about her getting whipped like it was Passion of the Christ and it was just a brutal time. I couldn't imagine living and surviving through that time as a slave. Good write I enjoyed the story :)

[wordman]

well i think it`s another book,great work