Secret

If I tell you a secret,

Will you keep it to yourself?

Or will you scream and tell the world

What I'm all about?

Sorry if I'm untrusting, 

And if I jump the gun. 

It's part of who I've met

And part of what I've done.

Not just that, I'm insecure,

And pretty lonely too.

The world just smile their sleep away

When I'm alone and blue.  

I carry so much guilt 

I wish I never caused

My conscience spitting memories

Flaming from it's jaws.

I wish I could say sorry

And morph the wrongs to right

I wish I could undo myself

And stop my only light. 

I'm really, really frightened.

Way deep down and buried,

A tiny tremor lies

A result of all I've carried. 

There is one I can love and trust

But they're kept so far away

From this monster people see me as

And all I die to say.

The killer of them all

A heart tearing depression

Contusion hides inside of me

Acting is my profession. 

And it's friend the stress,

Is screaming through my grins

Clawing, and thumping and cutting right through

My frail and beaten limbs. 

I'm unwell and I'm breaking

I'm icy and I'm restless

From laying under frostbite

Of an ache that leaves me breathless. 

I wish I didn't cry at night

And feel like filth and dirt

But I cannot stop the tears

When I remember all the hurt. 

And all these tiny stitches

Have formed the mask I've worn

This mask I wear from day to day

Is desperate to be torn. 

So please please please,

I beg of you to look and turn around

And watch me very closely

Within my smile is a frown.

I need someone to care

I need someone to hold

The aching which is hidden

Is the secret I've just told.