Sonnet 1

The shine in your eyes I cannot mistake.

For your love, like the sun, sparkles so bright,

That you leave me in such a silly state.

Will you hold me throughout the freezing night?

And though I say those things I do not mean,

My harsh words filled with belittling spite,

You keep me whole and treat me like a queen.

Will you hold me throughout the freezing night?

Words cannot express my love. Try? I might.

Will you hold me throughout the freezing night?

Author's Note

My boyfriend requested I write something for him, and he chose a poem. Shakespearean sonnet in iambic pentameter? I think so!

Reviews

[Seshat Nidaba]

I like cheesy myself, my favorite line was

1.Words cannot express my love. Try? I might.

I've never actually seen a question mark in the middle of a sonnet, but I'd expect nothing less from you.

I long to write the perfect love poem, but sometimes I don't think I possess enough virtue.

[Spookers]

I liked it. Sweet and simple, but a bit cheesy. Don't get me wrong. I like cheesy, but that sounds like a lot of other love peoms I've read. No offence. But I bet your boyfriend likes it.

[Matthew Smith]

This was well written. In truth, I generally dislike anything Shakespearean (not because of a lack of skill or respect--just a personal preference; one cannot deny his prowess with the word), but, despite that, still well done.

However, I would suggest replacing the word "bother" with something else. Maybe it's just me, but that line seems off, "that bother and spite" doesn't seem...right. The word, somehow, seems unfit in its surroundings.

But, just me.

Good write, nonetheless.