Chapter One

Meeting the protagonist of our group of five heroes.

Earth: 2057, February 22

                A ten year old girl skipped through her town’s market place. The town of Kamshi, a small desert town, is a trading hub between Safe-Zone’s Three and Four. Being in an area once called the Middle East, the town thrives on its trading. Its main source of money comes from clothing and tapestry trade. Because of this, the town is bright and lively with tapestries all around and incense flows through the air. The town is governed by Ambassador Speer, Arika’s father. Arika spent many of her days in the market, but today was different. The sun was setting after a day of roaming the market, the sky looked different than usual. It was blazed with a deep red, intensified by the dunes of sand. Arika passed it off as no concern, but as she was saying her good-bye’s to the shopkeepers on her way home, she noticed something strange as she neared her house. The door was broken off its hinges and glass was scattered across the ground, shining like diamonds in the sand. Arika stopped and looked around the area; she didn’t see anyone out of place or anything dangerous near-by. She listened for any signs of movement in the house before stepping inside. 

               “Front of the house is fine…” she whispered to herself as she walked around the bottom floor. 

                She headed up the stairs, and as she neared her parent’s bedroom she saw a piece of parchment with a torn, black seal in front of their door. She picked it up and read the red ink:

We’ll return in five years.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’  She thought as she walked into the room. She saw her mother sitting on the floor at the edge of her bed, head into her knees, she wasn’t crying as far as Arika could tell, exhausted it seemed. 

                “Mother, what’s this note about? And where’s dad, shouldn’t he be home by now?” Arika sat in front of her mother.

                Her mother looked up in surprise, “Arika, thank goodness!” She grabbed Arika, nearly causing her to topple over, and held her in her arms, “I was certain they would have taken you out in the market.” She sighed with relief, cupping Arika’s cheek.

                “What do you mean ‘they’?  Who would want to take me?” Arika pushed herself out her mother’s grip. 

                Her mother sat staring at her. Arika held her mother’s hand.

 “Soldiers from Safe-Zone Three came by today. They told your father and me that they wanted you for their work force since you’re old enough now.” She gripped the bottom of her dress. “Your father and I, we tried to change their minds but they were reluctant. They had orders they had to obey. But, your father made a deal with them, he offered to be taken in your place. They accepted but when they took your father into custody they told me that when you turn fifteen they’ll come back for you.”

‘Father…why?’  Arika had nothing to say, she wouldn’t have been able to create words even if she tried.

                “Arika…” Her mother was running her fingers through Arika’s pink hair, the family trait.

                No one in the Speer family knows when the family started having naturally pink hair, many thought it had something to do with the radiation from the attacks.  

                “Mother, what are we going to do?” Arika’s voice squeaked. She was feeling tears start to swell in her eyes.

                

   Her mother got up and looked out the window towards Safe-Zone Three off in the distance, and after a moment of silence she finally replied. “I will not let them take you sweetie, ever. I’ll sell the whole town before that happens.” This frightened Arika more than anything. “Now get some sleep honey.”

               

    Arika crept to her bedroom down the hall from her parent’s. She entered her room, it was dark already. She didn’t bother changing out of her day clothes when getting into her bed. The moon shone brightly this night as it lit up her face. She found herself unable to sleep that night.

 

 

Earth: 2062. 5 years later.

 

                Arika was walking home from school, a trip which she quite enjoyed as it allowed her to walk through the marketplace she loved. Now that she was fifteen she knew the letter would arrive at any day. Every day that crept farther and farther from the 22nd of February felt like an eternity. She dreaded the thought of the day when the letter would finally arrive. Her mother had not spoken of the letter or the incident five years ago. The townspeople were informed of what happened to their beloved Ambassador, but not of what else the Safe Zone was planning.

                 As Arika approached her house she saw a piece of parchment with a black seal, still intact, taped to the front door. Her heart quickened its pace and she dropped to her knees, sand flying up. She hugged herself, trying to stop the shaking, before taking a deep breath and bringing herself back up. She walked slowly towards the door, pulling the letter off of the door, tearing some of the paint off and broke the seal:

To the mother of Arika Speer,

It is safe to assume you know what the contents of this letter contain. Your time is up, and we do hope you and your daughter spent it well. We look forward to having another fine worker joining our people in Safe-Zone Three. Thank you for your cooperation. 

~SZ3

 ‘They’re crazy if they think it's been well…’ she thought as she walked into her house, slamming the door behind her. 

                She found her mother in the living room, painting.

                “Mother, it came.” Arika leaned against the wall, holding the letter out.

                “Ah, I see. Well, that’s no problem.” Her mother said calmly, staring at the bowl of fruit on her canvas.

                “No problem? But they’re taking me today, shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, freaking out?” Arika replied, her face contorted in confusion.

                “That’s the thing, they’re not taking you. They’re going to take me.” Her mother placed her paintbrush down, got up and walked toward Arika, “I promised you they wouldn’t take you and I’m keeping my promise.” She said as she placed her hands on her daughter’s shoulders. Arika had grown tall in these five years; she was almost five and a half feet tall, half a foot taller than her mother. 

        

        “Excuse you? You aren’t capable of doing any hard labor,” Arika backed away from her mother, “what makes you think they’d take you?” 

           

     “Because you won’t be here when they do�".” As her mother said this there was a knock at the door.

           

         “Madam, it’s time.” boomed a man’s voice from the other side of the door. 

                Arika and her mother stared at the door, then at each other. Her mother pointed towards the kitchen, Arika knew she was telling her to go out the back door.

              

     As her mother went for the door, Arika stopped in the kitchen. She wanted to know what would happen. Plus she wouldn’t have been able to get out without them hearing at this point. 

                Her mother opened the door, “Ah, hello sirs.” her mother said in a sarcastically, happy tone. She gave a small curtsy and asked them to come inside. Arika ducked around the corner. They were dressed in typical government business attire, a black suit lined with white lights of neoplasm. 

‘It’s ridiculous what they’ll spend their money on…’ Arika thought to herself.  

                “Don’t play coy with me mam, you know why we’re here. Where is she?” 

The man was almost a foot taller than Arika’s mother. The four soldiers with him started walking around the house, one headed towards the kitchen. Arika’s eyes widened as she crawled along the kitchen floor as fast as she could and managed to get to the back door without being seen, she hoped, and crept around to the side of the house where the living room window was so that she could continue eavesdropping. She listened in.

                “Listen here, sir. You are not taking my daughter away from me. She’s all I have left.” Her mother’s voice was shaky but stern. 

                “…I had a feeling you would resist.” The man sighed and flicked his hand into the air, calling over another man with a box. “I take it you won’t resist then if we take you.” He placed the box around her mother’s wrists and a light trapped them both, neon hand-cuffs. 

Her mother nodded and glanced around the house.

‘This isn't fair...’ Arika wanted nothing more than to barge into the house and save her mother, but she knew this was what her mother wanted. She watched her mother get escorted out of the house and into their vehicle, a six-wheeled sand-buggy with tinted windows to protect from the Sun. Arika started to stand up when she realized one of the soldiers, the youngest-looking one, with bright, blue hair, hadn’t left. They stared directly at each other. 

                ‘What are you waiting for…? Yell and tell them you’ve found me. Do it!’ Arika thought as she stood frozen, hypnotized by his eyes. They were a crystal blue, quite the opposite from her magenta eyes; which were normal in this area.

                The boy looked around, then back at Arika and placed his right index finger to his lips and winked. Arika was confused at this gesture but gave a slight nod, ‘No point in arguing,’ then she heard one of the other soldiers call out his name. He jumped a little, but as he walked out the door he turned and smiled at her. She could feel her face get hot. 

         

       “Thank you, Nayt…,” She whispered and ran into the house. 

            She walked about the now too-quiet house. She could hear everything now, the wind rustling the palm trees outside her windows, the faint whisper of people in the marketplace. The marketplace. The town! What would she tell the people of Kamshi? She was now their leader by default. Arika slumped against the front door, slowly falling to the floor and placing her face between her knees. Her pink skirt became stained with her tears.

                

   She had a thought, a reckless one at that, and jumped from the floor. Arika knew she didn’t have much time. Despite her mother’s wishes, she wasn’t about to be left here alone running a city at the age of fifteen. And she most definitely didn’t like the idea of having to hide from the government at the same time.  She ran up to her room, running her hands against the walls of the stairwell, memorizing every nook. When she reached her room she began filling a large, brown pack with some clothes and other necessities, food, water, and other supplies she knew she would need. She wasn't sure how long her trip would take, she had never heard of anyone walking to the Safe-Zones, they took the public transportation if they had to go. She only hoped she could make it. As she left her room she walked down the hall to her parent’s room and grabbed a photo from her mother’s bedside table, it was of Arika and her parents. She clutched it close and wrapped it in cloth before putting it in her pack. She knew she had a chance of never returning. On her way out of the house she took one last look around, took a deep breath, and began walking towards to the market.

           Arika could see the tension in everyone’s faces and bodies as she walked past, obviously leaving on some journey. She only smiled at everyone, and continued walking. She made a stop at Maria’s shop. Maria was a close friend of the Speer family and made clothes for the town, but she also made clothes for the people in the Safe-Zones, if orders came in. If Arika was going to get into the Safe-Zone, she knew she would have to look the part. 

       

         “Maria, I need your help and I don’t have much time.” Arika called out as she entered the shop.

        “What do you mean?” Maria started, obviously startled at the surprise visit, and then she thought for a moment, after remembering seeing the safe-zone vehicle pass by earlier. “I see. What is it you need?” 

        

        “I need an outfit that would let me get into the Safe-Zone without looking suspicious.” Arika dropped her bag on the floor.

             

   “…I see. Okay, wait here.” Maria ran into the back of her shop.

                Maria’s shop was small and square-shaped. There were tapestries hanging from the ceiling in many different colors and lanterns hanging between them. Incense floated throughout the shop, calming Arika’s nerves. Arika glanced around at the different styles of clothing. Growing up she only ever wore outfits that Maria would make for her. She wanted to memorize every detail, printing the scents and sites into her mind.

                After a few minutes, Maria came back. She handed Arika a tight-fitting, black, cropped jacket with a large hood and a pair of black pants, both lined with a white, reflective material. Maria looked down at Arika’s brown, sandaled feet, cursed, and then ran to the back of the store again. Arika shrugged went into the dressing room to change, stuffing her bag with her old clothes. Wearing long sleeves was a new adventure for Arika whose usual outfit mostly included light colored, loose fitting clothing and sandals to fight the heat. When Maria came back she had a pair of black leather boots that tied up to the knee. After lacing up her new boots, Arika took her hair out of the pony-tail it was normally held in and let her hair fall down. It was past her back at this point.

‘Maybe I should cut this…’ Arika thought, brushing out her hair.

When she walked out the dressing room she was greeted with a hug from Maria.

                “Be careful child…you don’t know what it's like out there.” Maria said in her ear. Arika nodded.

                “Thank you, if I don’t return�"“Arika started to say but Maria tapped her on the nose and pointed towards the door.

                “Bring them back to us, Arika.”

Maria watched as Arika ran down the road, and as she did, she felt a tear roll down her cheek.

 

~~~

                It was a three day journey across the desert to reach the Safe-Zone, and crossing a desert in summer is hard enough, but crossing a desert in summer while wearing a full black outfit is even harder. Arika contemplated changing her clothes, but if she knew if she was seen by any Safe-Zone officials on the way there, she would’ve been in even more trouble. Despite the heat, she didn’t give up; she had brought enough water to keep her alive and a blanket to keep her warm during the chilling nights.

While traveling, she ran into a merchant caravan group half way through the first day and hitched a ride with the group until the end of the second.

The caravan gladly took Arika along, their destination was near-by the Safe-Zone anyways. The leader of the caravan was a dark-skinned, burly man with a thick beard. The rest of the group, Arika would find out, was his family. Two boys about Arika’s age, his wife, and his cousins, all of whom gladly shared their food and tents with Arika. They sold pottery across the desert and outlying countries, and even offered Arika a place in their caravan to live in. Arika kindly declined the offer after thinking hardly on the idea.

On the third day the caravan reached the Safe-Zone.

                “Arika,” said the caravan leader, he had a funny accent which she knew she would never forget, “…take ‘dis.” He handed her a plastic card with strange markings on it.

        

        “What is it?” She grabbed it, stared at it confusingly and put it in her jacket pocket.

            

    “It will help you to get inside the Safe-Zone.” He shook her hand hard and headed back to the caravan, waving at her as he rode off.

                

            “Well, that was helpful.” She waved back and started running towards the Safe-Zone, which was still a good distance away, with a since of purpose. That is, until the heat finally got to her.

“We just have to live in the desert don’t we.” Arika muttered as she crossed over a sand dune, sinking into the sand with every step. When she finally reached the top she stood in awe. Even living this close she had never seen the Safe-Zone fully. Its high metallic walls and tall buildings are more than she imagined it would be. As she got closer she could make out the large symbols on the walls, Safe-Zone insignias; two hands holding the Earth, with a large three on the planet, indicating that this was Safe-Zone Three. She hoisted her bag back up on her shoulder and kept walking.

“I’ve made it this far, I’m not going back now.” Arika said to herself, slowly making her way down the dune.

 She finally made it to the large gate where a line of people were waiting. She dreaded the idea of getting caught this early in her little mission but there was no other way to get into the Safe-Zone other than the front gate. Guards were checking carts and bags as Arika walked up behind the last person in line. She tapped the person on the shoulder, “Excuse me? What exactly are they doing?” She asked.

“Ah, you’re new here?” A young man with white hair turned around. He had a bandage around his left arm and his left eye covered was by his bangs. Arika glanced quickly at his arm and could see through the wrappings that it was made of metal. He noticed her staring and started to speak again, well, he babbled mostly. Arika could tell he had an awkward demeanor about him as he began to speak.

 “I’m afraid it’s the first time they’ve done searches, so I’m just as confused as you are young miss. But, as you know, you have to have a reason for being here. They can’t just let anyone in anymore! Did you know that Safe-Zone Three is the only Safe-Zone to allow non-workers to stay in the Safe-Zone? It’s only for a limited time but still!” He gave a light laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh! How rude of me! My name is Ky. Traveling monk and healer, and who might you be young miss?” He bowed.

“I’m Ari -uh- Ariyana.” She laughed through a forced smile, Ky smiled back.

Just as Ky was about to speak, the guard reached him, Arika looked away and pulled up her hood. He asked him to open his pockets and nap-sack then asked for his card. After going through his bags the guard wrote something down on his clip-board, stared at Ky for a few moments then allowed him inside. He then walked to Arika.

“Please empty your pockets and bags, miss.” He ordered.

Arika flinched but didn’t look him in the eye for fear he would know who she was. She obliged to the order and smiled as he ruffled through her old clothes.

‘Please don’t recognize the style.’ She thought to herself. She was wearing a skirt with Kamshi’s signature design on it before starting her journey. She hoped he wouldn’t know that. 

“Alright, can I see your card now? The guard marked something on his board.

“Yes, of course.” Arika pulled the card out of her pocket and handed it to him. His hand grazed her fingers as he grabbed the card. Arika pulled her hand down to her side. He examined it thoroughly, and then stared at her. Arika could feel the sweat in her palms.

“So you’re with the caravan, eh? Where’s the rest of the troupe?” He asked her while he handed back the card.

“I went ahead of the troupe to get everything set up. I’m the newest member so I have the menial tasks!” She laughed awkwardly. She could feel him still staring.

“I see, well, in any case, I do hope you enjoy your stay.” He said with a laugh as he scribbled on the clip-board and walked off. Arika finally glanced up and looked at the guard, his blue eyes caught hers. Arika recognized them instantly: Nayt. She gasped, staring at him then walked quickly inside the gate without turning back around. When she was inside she spotted Ky looking at some merchandise in a stall.

“Hello again.” Arika walked up next to him, hoping to blend in with the crowd.

“Why hello there!” Ky smiled, paid the machine which sold the goods at the stall and started walking away from the stall, waving Arika to follow him. “So then, Ariyana, I never got a chance to ask what brought you out here to Safe-Zone Three?” He asked curiously.

“Ah, that’s more of a…secret. I guess you could say.” Arika stared at the ground. It wasn't dirt, but a harder material, like concrete. She glanced up at Ky who was twiddling with some beads around his bandaged wrist.

“Well, I am a monk, you can tell me anything and I’d be glad to help you.” He smiled, his eye closed.

‘He doesn't seem very dangerous. Besides, I need someone inside who can help me…I have no idea where to go.’ Arika thought.

Arika smiled back and thanked him, “Maybe it would be better if I told you behind closed towards. Speaking of which, do you know where I could find a cheap place to stay?”

Ky fell silent, he turned his head to stare behind them and his face fell stern. He then started walking more briskly. “Listen, I have a place here in the Zone. I realize we've only just met but it’s free and we need to get indoors quickly.” His voice was serious. Arika saw that he kept glancing behind them so she did the same. Following them were four soldiers. They were the four soldiers, minus Nayt, who had taken her mother away. They had found her, she thought. And now she had brought a stranger into the problem.

“Okay. Let’s go. But how are we going to lose their trail?” Arika said quietly. Ky didn’t answer, only walked faster. With Arika being a good foot and half shorter than Ky, it was difficult for her to keep up with him without starting to jog. They weaved back and forth between alley ways of apartment complexes. All of which were made of metal, to give a sense of equality between all the workers, Arika figured.

Eventually Ky and Arika made it to a small shack on the edge of town which stood out amongst the rest of the buildings. They had lost the soldiers earlier on a side street.

“Now then, I know I haven’t done anything to risk Safe-Zone soldiers pursuing me, so, what’s your actual reason for being here?” Ky leaned on a wall and stared Arika down. Arika looked down at her hands, folded in her lap as she sat in a chair and told him her story.

Author's Note

again, first draft. Any criticism or helpful tip are gladly accepted.

Reviews

[Daniel Rodriguez]

Your intro before the five years later is good. Infact it sucessfully dispells any doubt that the story would lax once it started after the hype of the prologue. The prologue is great because it allows us to beleive such random acts of cruelty can be done without a double take. "We will be back in five years." I was shocked, wondered what that meant, but didn't question it.

I get the impression you really want to start the story, and if thats how you want to pace it, it might be fine. (I havent read the rest,). However I will say from my perspective, it moved too quickly.

We have this town than you set up well. With your introduction to its power system and its market, it feels real. But then it becomes almost vague as we skip 5 years and go strait to her escape and into a caravan. Pacing and plotting is your choice, and if you are sure about having chapter 1 take Arika to Safezone 3 than that is your choice. However, not knowing the specifc answer of that choice, I the reader found myself wanting more of this town, and the kind of person Arika is outside of one who will risk it all for her mother and father.

Your voice is good. I do want to know what happens next, and as this is a book, I am sure alot happens more than simply girl risks it for family.

It is like, We start off with this town, we have this girl who is essentially royalty, and I want to know what this is like. What is it like being a 10 year old daughter to governor? What goes on in the days and lives of these people?


You take me to a caravan, whats this caravan like outisde of people who are willing to help her?

And lastly, and this may sound cruel on my end, but I almost want some character development that will seperate Arika from the other teenage strong heroines we see in other books and movies.

Again this is chapter 1 of many more. There will be time for character development, and it will be great to know these characters almost more on an intimate level.

Last potential criticism. You do a tease of what these safezones are like, but outside of "large gate," I do not pick up this lasting image in my head.

Onto a nice note again. I like the story and setup. You have introduced a few characters already and I do want to get to know these people. If I didn't want to get to know these people, it would be because I didn't feel any investment, but the potetnial for strong characters is there. The potential for a great adventure in SafeZone 3 is also there.

Its hard to judge a book by one chapter, and though this review of a chapter might sound harsh, and not graded as favorably as you might like, you still have maintained my interest and I do want to read more and I do like it so far.