Something to make you wonder

It's been awhile since I've wrote
Something that would make me not want to smoke
I love sitting outside and watching the rain
It makes me wonder if this is God's way of releasing his pain
From seeing his children strain
From living in vain
I'm listening to kendrick lamar
The one who inspired me to start writing these bars
About what I've done and how I feel
And about keeping hope alive and clarifying what's real
Right now I'm at a dead end
Not saying that my life is at an end
Because then that would mean an end of expressing the way I feel with a pen
And I ain't ready for that
It just means I have to go back
And rethink my way of thinking
You know rewrite my wrongs and keep my eyes on the prize without blinking
Maybe change my major
Instead of striking out
Hit a home run for last years disgraceful innings
And saving my money for later
Life is so precious that it can leave us breathless
She has a way of twisting fate to making you think there's no exit
And that's bullshit
At this point some people use a bullet
As an excuse to end the fight
And that's not right
Leaving everybody behind because you couldn't find your way out
When you could of searched a little harder
Fought a little smarter and accomplished your dreams
I think the government comes up with schemes so you can't find a means
Like paying to live when your ill
And not having enough money to pay your bills
So they have you work harder to keep your homes
But for the ones who hit that dead end and have to resort to that chrome
So they can hold on to what they own
Even though its wrong and then they eventually get sent to the state's hold
Where they probably have to forsake what they've been told just to survive
It's fucked up when you think of life and knowing that when yours is great the next man's is the complete opposite