For my best friend.

I'm not sure if this is a poem or a story. It captures the memories I have of my wonderful times with my Grandmother. Sadly she passed in November from Parkinson's Disease.

To my Guardian Angel Lolly

I wish I could see you just one more time. I wish I could hug you tight and take back what's mine. God had to take you, and I'll never understand. I just wish, oh I wish I could clench your hand. 

You were like my second Mother and a top best friend, you and I together could talk till the end. I'll always be thankful for your endless love and care, but most of all I'm grateful for your presence that has left my heart so bare. 

I used to sleep beside you, and listen to your snores. I remember you'd exhale so loud that it almost moved the door. I loved having you beside me,when it was time to close my eyes. Your loving gentle presence wrapped a blanket around my heart and made my sense of love and security rise, 

I'd wake to an empty bed and a Tipp FM tune. My nose would be greeted to a tasty meal you made at noon. You loved brown bread and marmalade, with a strong cup of tea. Still to this day, you inspire me.

Our fun walks to town filled with laughter and cheer are always on my mind. I see Grandmothers and Granddaughters today and wish I could rewind. I'm jealous, I'm mad, I wish you were here. I'm sitting here now just waiting for you to appear. 

You bought me my first dog, which filled my heart with joy. Even though we wanted a girl you were thrilled when he was a boy. You always made me happy, with everything you did. Because of you Lolly I have good memories as a kid. 

You'd catch me at your dressing table, using your favorite things. I loved to try on your shoes and even wear your rings. You'd tell me I was beautiful and comb my long hair. To this day I am grateful, that you were always there. 

When visitors called I let you be. I knew you had other friends than me. You loved your gin and tonic and a glass of white wine. Funny how gin and tonic is now a favorite of mine. Your sense of style inspired me as a girl. I'll still never forget them colorful skirts and that elegant little twirl. Your choice of shoe was always so right. Ah!, another trait I got from you, my long legs and 6 ft 1 height. 

When I think back on our memories, I see you at your prime. I see you as my Granny Lolly, the gorgeous loving dime. When you started forgetting things it really broke my heart. The thoughts of me leaving your mind, hit me like a dart. When I came to visit you, you'd always make me smile. I wish I could be beside you again, just for another while. You always offered me money and sweets when I was there. I'd always refuse nicely and give you a loving glare. That's the kind of person you were Lol, kind, patient, loving. The list really does go on. I wish everyday that I'll wake from this bad dream and you won't be gone. 

I remember my last time with you alive. My tears were so heavy I could almost dive. Your loving heart was slowing down and I knew you would soon be going. Even in your final hours you managed to stay glowing. We played your favorite songs and gathered around your bed. My Mother was beside you and I listened to what she said. She told you how much she loved you and gently kissed our head. I handed her a tissue to wipe her tears that shed. I stood up from my chair and walked to your side. I wrapped my arms around you, and I cried. 

I didn't know if you could hear me, or even feel me there. But I knew deep down your spirit was watching from the air. I hated you being unconscious, I wanted to hear you speak. Knowing you were slowly going made me so weak. I grabbed your comb and gently brushed your hair. Just like you used to do for me when you would show me your loving care. It was getting close to midnight, it was time for Mam and I to go. You son, uncle Richie was beside you, just to let you know. We went home that night and headed to bed. I remember talking out loud to you, hoping you heard what I said. 

I heard the ring from Mam's room and screamed out her name. By the time I opened the door, Noel told me your time came. I felt my heart breaking and there was nothing I could do. I remember all I wanted was you. I screamed and roared and called out your name. I wanted you there. My Lolly, my flame. 

Ever since you have gone a part of me is missing. All I do is keep on wishing. I thought I saw you one day, I'm still sure it was you. I kind of was hoping you would hug me and say boo! I want to feel your presence and smell your perfume. All I want is for you to appear in my room. I loved you so much words will never. Losing you Lolly, was so tough. 

I hope you are with me everywhere I go. I pray you will be with me when I often need to say no. I hope you will guide me and show me life's flow. Most of all Lolly I hope I become just like you. Thank you for being my best friend and Grandmother. I love you

By,

Lucia Carroll

Author's Note

If you could comment on my dialogue and format it would be great. This is my first piece I've wrote as an adult.

Reviews

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

I hope you are with me everywhere I go. I pray you will be with me when I often need to say no. I hope you will guide me and show me life's flow. Most of all Lolly I hope I become just like you. Thank you for being my best friend and Grandmother. I love you

This is most beautiful thing that I've ever read about the grandparents. Even I miss my granny and grandpa too much & wish to be just like them. Hat's off to you for your wonderful story. Bless you!

[Lucia Carroll]

Awh thank you very much! X

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Your most welcome and thanks again for writing and sharing the poem. It really brought back some awesome memeories of my grandparents.

[Healing Star]

this is lovely,
I hope this might help you with your feelings and missing your Lolly ... http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/gfrisk21/1099416/

[Lucia Carroll]

Awh thank you X