Nude

A poem about how life, family and destiny fucked me over.

I was borne into a hateful earth
Before birth I was supposed to die
Or maybe my mother lied
But who cares when everybody just wants the money
My father left me with nothing
I felt nothing, numb to it
Depression kept creeping in I ignored it
I stop and looked to see if the mirror would ever show me love
But all it did was show me evil a lil preview of what's above
My mind drifts to the river of fire, a Hade's dove
Or crow rather
My life was on low path of death
I moved around since I was seven
I didn't really care till I had health problems
They thought I had a virus my father had passed on
But not to my mother
I was conceived in the past form
Of what was...
And then my grand mama took me in
And loved me just like a mother I loved her back coz she would ever give up on me
I move away then I had to learn to live alone
Speak words over the phone
Remember to her I've grown
3 years later she passed
I couldn't cry or breakdown like everybody else
But I shut down myself
To protect the people around me
Told me just be strong, just move along remove the thorn
In my heart and watch me bleed a colour never perceived by humans thoughts,
Though I proceed to live
Well it might look like I did
The problem is I didn't
Almost killed myself, I did but not physically
My mental, I'm stuck in between a parable of hate and malcontent
I do debate that I do feel affection, especially now of late
I watched my mom get beaten by a man battling with his weight
I wanted to kill him but mama screamed and told me to wait
So i walked out, I got mugged and beaten the same night
and two weeks later I was dumped for the same plight,love
I'm not over it, it's been three years since I felt it
She took it and stabbed it and let it die,
As if she practised...
Am I being punished for what my dad did or what my fam did
Is it my fault I was born in people hating the same shi*
Or each other, even brothers wanted to take me down and show me it
I refused and they called me b***h
But I keep it hidden behind a smile
A cool facade for me before I cause my own demise...