Heartbreak

A palindrome poem. I took some slight liberties with the formatting to help the story be clear.

You, not alone.

Me and you loving one another.

There’s me telling you,

“Please, stop crying.”

 And me kissing you.

Then,

You kissing me and crying.  

"Stop.  Please."

You telling me 

There’s another one loving you.

And me, alone.

Not you.

Author's Note

What do you think? Is the story easy to understand? How could it be better?

Reviews

[Samuel Jacob]

It's honest. I felt what I needed to feel form this, perhaps its because I also relate.

Not much of a critic, though, I felt naturally in the phrase "You, not alone" I wanted to speak the words as if I was telling her "You, are not alone. You and I love one another." Though, it didn't matter, because I understood it perfectly.

I do wish, rather then jumping right into the midst of the chaos, starting with mystery as if there was something in her heart, a weight, a rock. It was breaking her from the inside, it wasn't clear to you. (Though, I see the previous conversation already without you saying it, I just would of love to wrap myself in the story longer). Simple, is sweet and beautiful. It is what it is, and I love the way you wrote it.

[LawrenceRaybon]

This was me playing with poetic forms, and within the constraints of a palindrome I couldn't realistically fit anymore story. My wife had the same reaction, "But why did she leave him? What happens next?" I take it as a complement that I can provoke that reaction using a few words and a simple form. And as they say: Always leave them wanting more!

[Samuel Jacob]

Amen to that. I appreciate the few words as well.

[Nicole Jane Marie]

I understood it fine! Very simple but it get's the message through! I enjoyed it!

[Aethereal]

Good try! The best way to form palindromes is to create symmetries of two nouns with a verb in the middle.

Tomorrow trumps today.
Today trumps tomorrow.
Girls love dogs.
Dogs love girls. … and so forth,