First, Last and Always

A Rondel for my Wonderful Wife.

First, Last and Always, I Love You,

With every breath, blink and heartbeat.

No one else can ever compete.

And I know that you love me too.

 

Forever young, forever new,

A giant loop; endless repeat.

First, Last and Always, I Love You,

With every breath, blink and heartbeat.

 

Every action it does imbue,

Whether victory or defeat,

A fine feeling that is so sweet,

Knowing that my dreams have come true.

First, Last and Always, I Love You!

Author's Note

What do you think? Is there any way I could make it better?

Reviews

[Aethereal]

This is a wonderful tribute to your wife. I would leave out the word “Last” in the first line since “Always" implies “Last”. In this way, the first line matches the rhythm of the forth line: 0/1/0/1/0/1/0 seven syllable meter: It’s a little song couplet:

First, and always I love you,
and I know you love me too.

[LawrenceRaybon]

The first, last and always was meant to be like, 'the first thing in the morning, the last thing at night and always in between I love you.' or 'From the first moment I met you, until the last moment I exist and always in between I love you.' I know the always could include the last as well, but by having the 'last' I feel that it bookends the always nicely. But I did fix the meter so it is eight syllables per line throughout I don't think I even bothered looking at meter when I wrote this. Hopefully the meter change will fix the rhythm issue you pointed out! Please let me know what you think of the revision!

[Aethereal]

I guess that changing the meter in the fourth line was much easier to do than changing the meter in all the other lines to seven syllables with a 0/1/0/1/0/1/0 meter. The word "that" is understood if it's not included on the fourth line, but it does give you eight syllables when included.

[Guvi]

awesome!! :)
the way all the words are woven gives life to the poem :)

[LawrenceRaybon]

Thank you! I'm glad you like it! :)