#Fatherhood

A poetic tweet about being a father.

One Hundred Forty Characters

To express my joy

At finding out I will be a dad

Sixty-two left

To explore my fear

At realizing what that means

Reviews

[Ethan Lewis]

This is actually really good -- this, being my first comment on Writers Cafe, should serve as a compliment. This is the first poem I've read on this site that I feel is actually well written. Not that my comments are anything of value, I'm just exceptionally hard to please, and this poem is the first that has prompted my desire to comment. :)

One thing though: did you intend to write "A Hundred Forty"? Grammatically, this is a fault -- it should be "One-hundred-forty characters", or, "A/one hundred AND forty characters". I believe that to be correct, however correct me if I'm wrong. I know artistic liberty is quite real, however it doesn't sound quite right the way it's currently worded.

I've always love subtlety as a poetic device, and this uses it quite, quite well. I enjoy the modern take, as well.

Kudos, friend. Also, congratulations. :)

[LawrenceRaybon]

Thank you for your kind words! I did purposely use 'A Hundred Forty...' even though I realize it's grammatically incorrect. The poem itself is exactly 140 characters long and it came down to a choice between changing 'A' to 'One' or keeping the two periods. I felt like the periods were more integral as they give separation to the thoughts. I also thought I could get away with the 'A' because the notorious grammatical errors on twitter would lead to some forgiveness for minor errors... (u no what i meen?) ;) Since you're the first person to catch this I'd like your opinion, do you think I should switch out 'A' for 'One' and sacrifice the periods to the gods of grammar or should the 'A' stay and laugh in the faces of said gods and then go have a drink with its buddies the periods?

Again thank you for your kind words and insight!

[Ethan Lewis]

I think there is far greater liberty with punctuation, in poetry, than there is for word selection. I'd sacrifice the periods for the 'one'.

However, that is really cool that the poem is 140 characters! I hadn't noticed, to be honest, so perhaps a way to alert the reader would be to make the title "One hundred forty", perhaps? I think that's actually a really cool aspect of the poem, and feel it deserves much recognition! However, I also understand the present title, for obvious reasons. It's your call, but that's an impressive feat!

Again, kudos on this one!

[Barbara Walker]

Having only so many words to work with, I think you did a slendid job of conveying your joy and your fear. I think it is much more difficult to fully express your emotions and intent in a short poem. My hat is off to you!

[Megan]

Very good. Babies are so cute. :)

[Matt Thomas]

And now that I've tripped and didn't realize it was supposed to be a tweet...Now I understand...BUT all in the same..You know you can't express anything through a Tweet LoL

[LawrenceRaybon]

"You know you can't express anything through a Tweet," and you hit the nail on the head! Twitter and Facebook (aka microblogs) are becoming the dispensary of choice for writings for a great number of people around the world. This poem was actually an experiment to see how effectively one could relay the enormity of a significant life event on twitter. And as you saw it is fairly ineffective, but I believe the fact that it is ineffective says something about twitter and the generation that uses it so regularly.

[Matt Thomas]

I understand that now...Twitter is fun if you are a huge fan of somebody or are just addicted to celebrities, which I am guilty of...I must tweet to Chloe Grace Moretz, Ronda Rousey, and Liz Gillies at least five times a week to see if I can get a follow from them...I know pathetic LoL...But anyways..enough about me...You are very talented when it comes to short poems like Colors but yeah don't mix poems and tweets LoL Like gas and a lit match.

[Matt Thomas]

Another short but I must say it is a head scratcher...I understand your going through the steps of fatherhood...I am the proud father of five children...So I know the feelings of being one...The confusion comes in the numbers of characters...If you can flip those numbers of characters into more powerful words about being a father it would be just as good as your Colors poem..I see your potential Lawrence..and after reviewing SO many poems and shorts...You can do So So SOO much better.

[Emily]

I love your wording and the meaning of the poem! Well done.

[LawrenceRaybon]

Thanks! I actually wrote this as a experiment in Twitter Specific poetry before I found out I was going to be a father. I came across it recently after my wife told me she was pregnant and it almost made me cry.