Peeking At Peaks

On that avalanche

Had a feeling

A tickle

An itch

Premonition

A peek into our future;

A silly premonition

 

I want to hold your hand

So when we’re climbing this mountain

My footing is stable

My vitals are clear

My grip is steady…

Your hold I fear

 

Reflect to me your heart

And bare me your sole.                             

When my shoes run tired

And feet too cold.

 

I’m scared to look up now

At the hand that held true

Because I’ve already glimpsed

And that hand may not be you…

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I love your very original & artful poem which conveys a seeming contradiction in message. Perfect way to pique your audience’s interest & curiosity – a dynamic & interactive read. What does this mean? When did I feel this way? If it isn’t who I thought, then who is it? For me, your message has spiritual overtones. So many times we attribute some aspects of life to the humans attached to a situation, when in fact, much later we figure out there was a little divine intervention at a perfect time! *smile* Fondly, Margie

[Laurierose]

I'm always delighted to read everyone's perspective on poetry. Poetry itself is laced with intellect waiting for us dissect. For this piece, everything was not as it seemed. That's how it is in life, actually. It's the little surprises that delights us all. I appreciate the in depth review, Margie!

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Laurierose... reminds me of touching His Robe...
or wearing His Sandals... in a poetic sense. However,
in my life, I have been fortunate to climb mountains
with a "hand to hold" and give me a good footing.
I do believe in divine guidance and looking up...
truly love your poem. fondly, Pat

[Laurierose]

Ah, I love how you perceived this in the religious light. If you look at it from that lens, then one could argue that we do not often let our worries go to the higher power like we should. This, all the same, could highlight the inner struggle within ourselves we face with our faith. I love the fresh look at this, Pat. Thanks for the thoughtful review!

[VelvetPotato]

This poem has so many layers. It is so contradictory.
"I want to hold your hand/
So my footing is stable. . .Your hold I fear"
I think it is interesting how someone requests a hand hold to help with their footing, as if they didn't need the hand hold at all. And then, they take it back, and say they fear the hand hold.

There are a lot of hints that the person in this relationship has the intuition that the relationship is wrong and is going to fail, but is trying to ignore it.

Props to the "sole" pun... perfection.

Loved the uncertainty and complexity of this piece. That's how real relationships are.

[Laurierose]

Yes, relationships can be very complex. Even more so with emotions. Glad you noticed the pun! Gotta love a good double entendre, right? Thanks for the thoughtful review!!

[Coyote Poetry]

Waiting, wishing and hoping. Make final place perfect. I liked the thoughts and the need of the poem. A honest ending. Sometimes, we don't get what we want. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Laurierose]

I learned this lesson in love and life. It doesn't always turn out in the end, but we can't help but appreciate the journey. Thank you for the sincere review.

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.

[Moonie]

It's a very open metaphor, and the reader is free to read into it. It might be taken in a spiritual or romantic way.
Just a minor question, in "And bare me your sole," is sole a typo or a pun? It distracted me a little from the poem.

[Laurierose]

It was intended. It’s almost the same as someone saying “lend me your hand.” This person is literally asking for someone to lean on during this trying time. Thanks for asking and for such a thoughtful review! :)

[Devansh Shekhar Shukla]

A wonderful piece of poetry. The last stanza was amazing. I really appreciate that. Great work!!!

[Laurierose]

I appreciate the sincere review. Thanks!

[alanwgraham]

I really like how your poem moves along describing your climb with your lover /guide. There is a premonition that all may not be well, you trust your safety in him, and then the horrible moment of realisation at the end. You have executed this well and i like your punchy style. Just a thought - would 'a premonition' in the first verse work better, but a minor suggestion. I really liked it!
Cheers,
Alan

[Laurierose]

Thank you so much! I definitely wanted to stay as true to the climax/peak as possible. It seems as though an avalanche serves its purpose. The “a” isn’t attached to premonition because it is meant as a stand-alone thought. Thank you for the sincere review :)

[wredit.jordan]

Remarkable. I can't say which line/stanza is my favorite. Each one was written so well. I LOVED the ending, and the second to last stanza stands out to me. Well-written!

[Laurierose]

I appreciate such kind feedback, my friend. So touching!

[Chris]

Life is so often a copy of your last stanza...

[Laurierose]

Life does have a tendency to do that. Thanks for noting that. Appreciate it greatly.

[Chris]

I do listen to your voice...you've thoughts to share.

[Laurierose]

Of course, I greatly appreciate that and reading your perspectives.

[Onlyme]

Oh, that was a right kick in the bottom! Expressed with such a wonderful flair and style. That really hide a dark depth inside it all.

[Laurierose]

Lol! Thanks for the kind review, Dee!