Out of My League

Invite me

Believe me when I say

There's no good company

For me

Yes I do want you for myself

When, myself, wants nothing else

Baby

Please just play a song

So I won't look at her

Dancing alone

In a league of her own

This dance floor she loves

This zone she calls home

So I'll sit here myself

And chant something else

Believe me when I say

Empty glasses don't mind

Me

The ice, it represents,

Transparent confidence

For me

Liquid is nice

But it gives terrible advice

And there is no compromise

Between that alluring stare...

And those warning signs

Reviews

[barleygirl]

It's rare to find a poem where the storyline AND the word-crafting are equally strong, as in your poem here. I love the way you tell the story in an elusive & lyrical way. I love the way you use word sounds to suggest a flippant rhyme scheme to belie how sad & blue the narrator feels about being outclassed by his chosen lover. Excellent imagery when describing ice - transparent confidence - liquid is nice (so imaginative!) Fondly, Margie

[Laurierose]

I absolutely love your take on this. This was fun to write and interesting to spin from lyrics I wrote long ago. Thanks for the kind words!

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

enjoyed this poem immsensely, had to read it a few times thats just me Im old lol , but thankyou for this wonderful entry into my competition, good luck.

[Laurierose]

Thank you!

[Ardra]

Ah comparing one self to the one he left you for....never an easy task...when you feel that what you lacked that he chose her over you... liquid in such state is better avoided ...otherwise we end up doing things we regret... :)
Nicely done..

[Crowley]

Liquid does give terrible advice, except at the point the advice is given and then that sounds like the best advice ever!!! Lol. I love the first couple of lines, it really puts the piece in immediate perspective. Really good analysis fo a situation we can all identify with. Great job!!

[Laurierose]

Yes!I wanted have fun with this through word play. Liquid sure does give awful advice in situations such as these! Thanks, Crowley!

[Onlyme]

Rhythmical, hypnotic as it is enchanting flows of beautiful words. That cast a shadow over a lover choosing someone else over you. As you sit and think and gaze into neverland. And feel
beaten and blue.

[Laurierose]

You've captured the essence of this piece well! Great interpretation. I loved the flow of this, rhythmical in itself. Thank you for the sincere review.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Good to be aware of the warning signs and stares as we are in control of our own actions and emotions- love the way you say liquid gives bad advice- sometimes transparency is needed and liquid of flowing structures to take our thoughts to new heights and depths making us feel the unfelt- great write🌹

[Laurierose]

Getting lost in one's own mind. Capturing the inner turmoil of the character as he/she was debating their worth was important to me. Thanks for the perspective.

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

My pleasure🌹

[sette]

this is a fascinating and interesting poem, i like the choice of words used

[Laurierose]

Thank you so much, sette! I truly appreciate your kind words.

[sette]

no problem

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

It's a beauty to dance on the broken glass of love. How is it that you can tarnish the fire under your feet... Only the wise will know, as for us? A world of temporary pleasures

[Laurierose]

Ah, yes. I agree; wisdom is afforded to the wise on such a fragile dance. Thank you for your kind review.

[Haley]

Absolutely stunning. Hats off to a very talented writer. ;)

[Laurierose]

Thank you!

[Delmar Cooper]

Or as the late great Dorothy Parker said: "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."

Ah me, always a wallflower, never imitation oak vinyl wall board. Such is life, such is remodeling.

[Laurierose]

Thank you!