The guy in the corner

The guy in the corner
He sits alone
In silence, just thinking
As still as a stone.

But soon he weeps
His troublesome sound
No one hears him
He cannot be found.

The guy in the corner
So lonesome and depressed
His smile covers his frown
Whilst he tries to look his best.

Soon he finds love
He made a new start
He gave her a ring
She gave him her heart.

Reviews

[Lauren:D]

Thanks for the reviews guys, i know what you mean yeah but it is my first poem so hopefully in the future they will be better. Thanks a lot though :)

[David Michael]

Unexpected happy ending! Ha! Anyways, very true, very true. I could see this idea being expanded just slightly to make the imagery be more of a man in the middle of a group, but really being in a little corner by himself. Because that's the reality of it - we're all really quite alone most of the time, even when we surround ourselves with supposedly close others.

If I have one suggestion, and if you're willing to take it, I might tweak the rhythm on a few lines, for the sake of flow. For the most part it has a nice flow, but then a couple spots seem to jar that a little - especially the third stanza. For instance, in the second line you could remove "and". It's not really a necessary word, and the line flows much better without it. The next two lines could be altered similarly. Off the top of my head: "Smile covering frown / Trying to look his best". Not the most elegant rewrite, but you get the idea.

[BigDaddySiddle]

Dayum this ain't nothing but a G thang

[Francesca]

Nice job on this! It explains human patterns pretty well :). I could picture the man very well and understand his pain.
Great poem!

[Mariah Jane]

This is fabulous! Very well written. The amount of thought put into each phrase is astounding! I enjoyed the idea of it as well. Very beautiful. Keep it up :)

[realmwriter]

poor sap Is gonna be the guy in the grave. I liked this piece a lot cause Ive been the guy in the corner. Well written, good, smooth read!