What is the point?

A Story by Lauren Fox

Depressing monolgue

Sometimes I see that gun over there and I just want to end it all. Do you know what I mean? There are only so many people you can lose before you start to wonder if it's your fault. If there's something you could or should have done. If you’re being punished for something you did. I just, I hate this world. I just hate it. It's no place for kids, it's no place for anyone and it certainly wasn't a place for Emily. She was just so young, after they attacked she didn't even seem to realise. She paraded up to be with a big smile on her face. I killed one Chloe. I wasn't even scared. I smiled at her and then I saw the scratch on her arm and I just wanted to die. She had no idea.

I spent the whole day with her talking about her happiest memories, playing games, letting her win joking, every second dedicated to her. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Making sure she had no idea. And I was still hopeful, I still though maybe it wouldn’t happen. But then she complained of feeling ill, that her scratch was itching. I felt my throat swell up until I could barely breathe, barely swallow, barely choke down the tears. I had to run in the next room digging my nails into my flesh biting the insides of my mouth anything to stop crying. I couldn't let her know. I sat her down in her bed gave her some plain sugar pills. I told her they were magic tablets and when she woke up she'd be fine. I sat behind her and brushed her hair, listened to her sing. I tucked her in and laid next to her, holding her warm body listening to her breathing until it finally slowed. I grabbed the gun. Checked the barrel. Undid the safety. Everything went blurry I couldn’t see. I held my breath trying not to scream. I put the gun right above her head and then I heard the shot.

I don't even remember pulling the trigger. Then that was it, the one thing I had left in this piece of s**t world. The one beautiful and innocent thing left in my world was gone. So you tell me, what is the point?