And so it begins

A satire looking at a demons views of life and the apocalypse.

The main character is sat at a table in a café setting, all others actors in the scene continue to move but are silent. Most of the stage is dark but there is a dim spotlight on the main character. He speaks with a confident but slightly sarcastic, low voice and his facial expressions are very animated. He is wearing a smart, slightly Gothic, suit. He is tall, thin and pale with very dark eyes. (speech in quotation marks are said in a dull voice)

It's a funny word isn't it? Armageddon. It sounds too catchy to really mean what it does. [speaks in a mock ‘priest’ voice] End of days. Apocalypse. [speaks normally again] To be honest I'd rather leave the whole dastardly business and let the world carry on as it is.
I mean, it's not like we need to destroy everything. The antichrist doesn't need to be born. In my opinion we're doing pretty well as it is. We demons barely need to do anything to secure souls for the Master.

You see, Man, humans, they do most of the work for us. Contained in their pretty little heads is the capability to do anything we could think of and more. They just need a push; sometimes a little nudge.

"Here is wisdom. Let him who hath understanding count the number of the beast. For it is the number of man; and his number is 666."

You spend an hour or so fiddling with the traffic lights in London city centre and you piss off thousands of people. They take it out on their secretaries, their wives, even shopkeepers. Then they take it out on some other poor sod. The ramifications are endless; one hour of work and who knows how many souls are tainted. [laughs]
But no, the Divine Plan states that there must be an Armageddon. That all this has to end. Tossers. And I can do naff all about it, I am a servant. I am designed to obey, it's impossible for me to disobey.

So here I am, sitting in a cafe waiting to be given It. [speaks in a mock ‘priest’ voice] The Adversary, the Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Spawn of Satan. [speaks normally again] Waiting to spring him on some poor, unsuspecting, family.
"From the eternal sea he rises creating armies on either shore. Turning Man against his brother until Man exists no more."

I despise the whole bloody business. You'd think the mighty Lord Above would try to stop the destruction of his 'masterpiece' but no. He will sit on his cloud and watch while the world burns.

Why would He do that? I hear you ask. Because He planned it. Like I said before, it's all part of the Divine Plan. It's a test for the angels and the demons, to see who will come out on top. It's almost as if the entirety of Man's existence was a lesson, to make the minions of Heaven and Hell ready. An education in preparation for the destruction of Earth. [laughs] Poetic really.

So God created Man to be destroyed. I've never understood the logic behind that. I guess it makes sense somewhere. Maybe Heaven was full of boring old gits and God decided to make something to entertain Himself and then pick them off, one by one, until the best are left. Like Gladiators, but without the spangly outfits and overwhelming testosterone.

Boredom isn't a problem in Hell. All the interesting people end up going there; you can't be interesting without sinning so we have a pretty sweet deal. Never boring down there.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, sitting in a cafe. See, I've been charged with making sure the antichrist ends up in the right place, with the right upbringing. Can't put him with a family of Satanists, they're all idiots. No, it'll have to be a nice, non-religious family. Maybe rich people, I don't think the Master would appreciate it if I left his child to live in poverty. [laughs] It'd be funny though.

Oh right, you’re probably wondering who I am. My name is Crawley, I’m a demon. Well I’m the demon, the first that was ever created. I’ve been around since the beginning; so, as you can imagine, I’ve seen a lot of things in my time. I was there when Eve picked the apple from the forbidden tree; when Jehoram of Judah took the throne; when Herod the Great massacred the innocent. I’ve said it before, and I shall say it again, humans are messed up. [laughs] I mean, all you have to do is spread a little gossip and people go crazy.

And power. What wouldn’t Man do for power? It’s not a far stretch of the imagination to know that ANY man would go all Abimelchk-style at the offer to be a ruler. Thinking about it, maybe that’s what the Armageddon is about. Power. God and Satan are pretty level when it comes to power at the moment; so maybe God decided a war would make him more powerful. “In crisis, Man shall turn to the Creator”.

A man dressed in all black walks up to Crawley and hands him a basket. Soft gurgling noises come from the basket. Crawley looks at it in disgust and puts in under the table.

Ergh-- look at it. So small and innocent. It has no idea how much trouble It will cause, how many lives It will destroy. Ugly little bugger. Although, it could be worse. It could look like It’s dad. [laughs] All horns and multiple mouths. Now that right there would take some explaining. There isn’t a family on this Earth dumb enough to want a baby like that. [laughs and looks into the basket then sighs] Well I guess it’s off to the hospital�"wouldn’t want to keep the Master waiting. [gets up and exits stage left]