She

Just a simple, short depiction. Nothing too fancy.

She's this young vivacious, charismatic amazing girl. She seems in love with life, shining with every ray of sun; beaming. She's beautiful, in her own way, but she doesn't know it. She's got these deep brown eyes that light up like a fire and tell stories like wise old men. She hasn't the best lips, but her smile is honest and true. It lingers like the vague light from a bulb that has been switched off.
This girl is funny, not simply silly but witty. She is quick to words and the sting of her sarcasm is addicting and electric, something like a tiny static shock from a warm wool blanket. She can keep a crowd laughing. She's smart. Not book smart or well educated, but she was born smart. One of those people born with untapped potential and an insurmountable amount of common sense.
But oh- this girl is broken. The kind of broken that is nearly impossible to fix; picking up the pieces would take hours, days even- there's too many cracks and not enough glue. She can't pinpoint where it went bad, the miscalculated turn in the road that persuaded her into the wrong path. She doesn't know the moment when the light started to fade and the darkness was almost all she knew. Maybe she breathed it all in at once, maybe it crept slowly into her mind like a soft whisper. But it rages on like a river, flowing deep down into the blackness.
She now dwells on old ships that have passed and is drowning in the ocean of regret. The endless waves of passive fury crash against her, leaving bruises in their wake. She's barely bridging onto the surface, clawing for a feeling that she only knew once a lifetime ago, but she can't grasp it. She's confused, longing for a reason or an escape from this foggy graveyard of a sea, but there is no glimmering light to follow, no voices of reassurance and no hope to hang onto.
And she's not lost, she's just broken.

Author's Note

Just working on trying to paint a picture in the audience's mind. Any thoughts/suggestions? Grammar isn't a huge deal to me at this point, more so of just trying to be detailed and descriptive as well as entertaining.

Reviews

[Justin]

that was really great, i was able to picture the character in my head :) keep it up :)

[Jennie Baron]

You have a knack for detail and description and adept wording, for sure. It's intriguing to think of this made into a bigger story, one that gives insight into what made this girl the way she is...or pared down to the bare minimum and formatted to make a poem. It's quite nice as is, though.

[Aethereal]

She's witty, but not witty enough to save herself from herself.

[A. Amos]

Different yet interesting and I truly enjoyed the read...thanks you for sharing

[fingerprints79]

You're good with words. I can't really give you many ideas, I'm not really the expert type. Keep it coming though, Can you check my chapter i'm working on while you at it. It' probably not the best chapter in the world but can you tell me if it's boring. Anyway sorry if I sound desperate but you know it's like a raindrop in an ocean around here, there are so many people

[Kieta!]

I love the way you describe things. 'endless waves of passive fury crash against her' I LOVE THAT! I wish I could think of stuff like this! Very nice!