What does it feel like?

if i ask you
would you tell me
what it felt like
when you held me

if i showed you
would you see it
what it looks like
when i commit

if i told you
would you listen
what it sounds like
when my heart sings

if i touch you
would you shiver
what does it feel like
when i quiver

if you listen
you would hear
I am shaken
i am near

if you listen
you would hear
i am opposed
to your sneer

if i asked you
would you tell me
how it felt
when you compelled me?

Reviews

[Rita L. Sev]

I like the flow of this poem; short, well-metered lines that allowed for rhythm and pause that let the message sink in. The only halt in the flow was in the last stanza. A suggestion:

if i asked you
would you tell me
how it felt
when you compelled me

This is a great write!

[lMarling]

Thank you! very useful review - it really helps to have a fresh eye look at it critically.

[Rita L. Sev]

You're welcome! That's why we are here! :)

[Rogue]

I really like the structure and wording of this. It has a great flow to it all the way through.

An extremely balanced piece. :)

[Inda]

powerful, that's the biggest thing in my head after reading this, pure power. Great piece.

[Mike Emil]

should jut take pictures thy last longer
d****t!!!
have to admit against my better judgment, I like this poem
must be going soft
d****t!!!

[lMarling]

Glad I could get through your hard veneer :)

[Mike Emil]

I will varnish myself

[gombeggar]

well done...reads very good

[lMarling]

thank you!

[TL Boehm]

if i touch you
would you shiver
what does it feel like
when i quiver

A wonderful write.

[lMarling]

Thank you! appreciate the positive feedback :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Good short flow. Good Job

[lMarling]

Thank you!

[SyberRose]

Enjoyed your romantic words...nicely done...Rose:)

[lMarling]

Thank you, Rose!

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid read and write...:)

[lMarling]

thank you :)

[Sami Khalil]

MY pleasure...:)

[Emily B]

beautiful honest humble words

there are worlds in the questions we think to ask

[lMarling]

Thank you so much. I am glad you could connect with the poem.