Flames

I sit in front of the glowing fire

and watch the flames make love to each other.

There is something about their seductive dance

that puts me into a euphoric trance.

a burning sensation in my heart;

not caused by the flames’ magnificent art-

makes me look across at you

and that’s when I realize

you are watching them too.

Author's Note

I'm not too sure about this piece, I feel like it needs more work to it. Feedback, please :)

Reviews

[Amanda Granger]

Personally, I *love* this. I can't think of anything you could add to improve on it. The image is so poignantly seductive, as you described the flames: "watch the flames make love to each other.
There is something about their seductive dance
that puts me into a euphoric trance."
Love those lines, but then I love the whole thing. It's short and sweet, but that just makes the final two lines shine even more with their own significance about the connection with the "you" being addressed. Great piece! :)

[❤ Maggie ❤..]

Ahh, so it's funny, I was at a bonfire last night and I was sitting right next to my...well "friend" (not exactly boyfriend yet, but we're talking) and fire, like you said just kinda puts you in a trance and it's just like. Idk it's just peaceful I guess :) This was like awesome! Great job!

[shangala]

not really... you didnt listen as it spoke to you.

[Laura Harrison]

Sorry, I don't understand your review. Please could you explain what you mean?

[Simon Welsh]

Beautiful, short and sweet. Keep it as it is.

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

A wonderful piece on the simplicity of togetherness... the write feels complete, but you must follow your heart and hand.

[Natalia]

I like it! I don't think I would change it. Sometimes fewer words express more than a lot of words :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

You could extend it but it sounds good short to.
Its like watching a beautiful thing, and feeling all these feelings as you watch the fire, then there's that moment you look over and your lover is watching them to.
Its beautiful :)

it flows well and rhymes well to :)
well written :)

[Lyn Anderson]

It feels good as is -- if you're not too sure maybe it's because you feel the need to expand it.

[wordman]

and you watch the flame as it flickers over his face
it makes you want to embrace

[Laura Harrison]

Love it :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

what about you suddenly long for hes embrace :P
but yeah thats a great line i like that :)

[s y e]

Wow, this is great! I loved it, Laura - you've done a great job on this one!

[Laura Harrison]

Thank you, glad you liked it :)