Let's All Be Peter Pan

When we were little kids, our hardest decision was choosing which colour crayon to use

Or which toy to play with at break-time

We didn’t care if our hair was out of place because we were having too much fun rolling down a hill in the summer time

And we never worried that the cheeseburger and chips we just ate would make us gain weight.

We ran carelessly across the road because we didn’t know the meaning of danger

And back then, strangers were our friends.

We weren’t afraid of approaching anyone because we believed that nobody would ever harm us.

 

But as we grew older, we started to realize why our parents warned us to stay away from strangers

Why they locked the doors at night

Because the world we live in is a cruel, harsh place;

Now we don’t leave the house unless our hair is perfect

And we lose ourselves in all the magazines full of stick-thin models

We look both ways when crossing the road

And walk on the other side when we see someone with their hood up.

 

It’s a known fact that we change as we get older

And we need to do this in order to mature

But we start to lose the innocence we had when we were young

And we forget what it feels like to have fun because we are constantly worrying about something.

Some people say that when you get really old, you return to your childhood,

Well, I think we should never leave.

Reviews

[Michael G. Smith]

I guess I'm the exception because with all the trials in my life I'm still a boy at heart. I hope your words will make others ponder they're lives.

[WizardsAffliction]

I think the ending needs to be edited or rephrased. I just don't think it fits right with the overall theme of the poem. It contradicts what you're attempting to say.

You say we never leave our childhood but in the previous stanza, you give us this whole spiel of growing up and being different than who we were as a child. Try having the ending support what you're trying to say instead of having it all inadvertently collapse because you detailed something entirely different early on in the piece.

However, you're actually very good. Keep writing! :D

I hope this helps and happy trails! :)

[Laura Harrison]

Hi, I have looked back at the poem and realize that you were right, so I have edited the last stanza. Please could you take a look at it for me and let me know what you think?
Thanks :)

[WizardsAffliction]

The changes to your poems should never be implemented due to one suggestion. Even with multiple reviewers, it is ultimately up to YOU as to whether or not the piece has reached perfection. Or as close to perfect as can be in YOUR eyes. Richard Hugo said that there usually not going to be a reader peeking over your shoulder as you write. These are your feelings/observations, and only you know the inspiration behind it, so overall, we cannot judge your writings outright (save on a few genres). What I'm trying to say is, I'm looking at this as if it were my poem, and these would be the steps I would take to build on it a bit more.

But that's just me. Having all that been said, some of the syllabics need cutting. The lines are far too long and become more like prose rather than poetry. Metaphors and similes are excellent tools for imagery, as well as utilizing alliterations and slant rhymes to incorporate the sounds of words and expand upon the picture or scene you're trying to convey. It really aids in transporting the reader into YOUR world but through THEIR eyes, if you get my meaning.

I hope this helps and happy trails! :D Keep truckin'!

[WizardsAffliction]

Richard Hugo said that there's... ***

[I Am Svetlana]

Wow, such truth in this piece! I really enjoyed it :) as we grow up, we learn the rules about how life is run and what it is centered around. That no one is safe and that anything could happen at any given moment. Growing up is scary, but everyone born must experience it firsthand.

[David Burke]

very well written, good job hun I really enjoyed it

[hmarieee]

I agree. We should never leave our childhood, growing up is just a trap.