The Meeting-Part 1

John and Susan Meet

God what was I thinking listening to my dumb friends. I know telling them about the cancer is the right thing to do. But if I’d known they would all say the thing I wouldn’t have bothered. “Susan you’re dying now. You should live what time you have left to the full and face your fears before it’s too late.”  God do they have silly, mocking voices. Even Lexie my best friend said it. I even can see her brown sad eyes as she said it in my head. Her long brown hair stopped swaying as soon as she heard. Like its life had gone with me. Like she had already dug my grave and buried me in it. I can understand, I mean I guess people manage death in different ways. At least she wasn’t in denial like some. But I can’t think about that again.

So after all that crap, here I am rock climbing facing my biggest fear. Heights.  The instructor is telling us what do and god am I trying to listen to him and look and him but all I can do is gaze at that wall. Why can’t I die now…ok that saying isn’t as funny to say as it used to be. God I feel sick now thinking about death. OK keep focused on the wall.

***

Ok baby steps. Take little steps. I think it makes it easier. God why oh why didn’t I listen to that damn instructor properly.  Ok 3 steps high. Ok this isn’t that bad really. What was I worrying about?  Ok another step done. Ok next one. I here I voice from down below, he’s giving me advice. “Come on, you’re doing great.” He keeps on speaking but it isn’t going to me anymore. I’m looking down. Oh god that’s high. I’m frozen. S**t I can’t move! Ok breathe Susan breathe. God ok I give up, I’m going down now. I shout it to the world…well my instructor and my class. Of course the instructor comes running and tries to stop me. But I’m sorry mate I’ve had enough and I’m coming down.

***

Ok I clearly did not think this idea out too well. I can’t move for starters and everyone is looking at me and trying to help get me moving down. It’s making me very self-concise. Ok its silent now the instructor has finally made them shut their gabby mouths…He blew his whistle. This of course made me jump and surprise, surprise I’m facing the wrong way now. Oh gods help me, my feet aren’t touching the floor that’s there. Ok the instructor is talking to me now “ok release yourself and I’ll catch you.” He’s having a laugh right? “I know it sounds stupid but you’ll tangled up now and there’s no other way down, unless you want to stay up there forever.” Well no s**t-brain does it look like I wanted to even climb this wall let alone be stuck up here!

“No I don’t want to stay here, ok!”

“Ok then release yourself. Trust me I will catch you. I promise.  Look into my eyes do I look like a man who breaks his word?” Well no he didn’t he had a very trusting face about him. But I still don’t want to go down. “A kiss.”

“Huh?”

“A kiss. I shall give you a kiss if you come down.” Wow this man is arrogant sod. Well ok I’ve had enough time up here I’d think I’d kiss this fool then be here. I could do with a laugh.

“Ok I’m coming down, not for the kiss but cause I’m pissed off with being up here!” He laughs.